Try swapping your kids—but just for an hour! Reach out to a mom who’s in the same situation and make a deal: I’ll watch your kids for an hour, and later, you watch mine. You may need to get out of the “no one else can do it” mindset, though. If she knows how to take care of her children, she can take care of yours for a little while.
Don’t let yourself feel isolated because you stay at home. Connect to other moms online. Get out of the house. Go to the park and push your kids on the swings. You might run into someone you know or make a new friend.
If you belong to a gym, ask if it has childcare so someone can watch your kids while you work out. Talk to your husband about taking care of the kids for a while when he comes home from work. You might need to negotiate this a little—he might feel that he has his job and you have yours.
I worked with one woman who wanted her husband to pick the kids up one night a week, but he said no. I asked her if anyone else might be able to do it. She said, yes, her sister might be able to. Her sister had been there the whole time, but she didn’t ask her because her husband said no, so she figured there was no solution. Sometimes solutions are so close that it seems like a miracle.
Natalie Gahrmann
Title
Expert Section | Expert Section | Expert Section | Expert Section | Expert Section | Expert Section | Expert Section | Expert Section | Expert Section | Expert Section
What about taking time after kids bed time? My wife and I both do this. One will stay hiome, and the other will go for a drink with a friend, or see a late movie.
My 7 year old son has been asking for a dog since his dog ran away 2 years ago. For me it has been peaceful without one. Just last weekend for his birthday his uncle offerred to give my son this stray dog he found about 4 months ago. He was going to take the dog to the kennel if we didnt want her she is a pitbull mix(?) never been vaccinated and smells awfull even after being cleaned. She snaps at my 2 year old, but my husband thinks she is just innocent and doesnt mean any harm by it. I know up till now I sound like a whimp who doesn't have any control. Well that is not the issue. I wish my son could have a dog, he is very happy to have this puppy here. I on the other hand know nothing about this dog and I am not comfortable with her. She irritates me and I know that I am more responsible for the dog than any member of this house. I just dont quite know how to handle this situation. I am asking myself if it would be different had we went as a family and chosen a dog together and I knew the temperment of her parents. Or am I just not ready for a dog. I think it's the frst reason. I simply dont trust this dog. How do I get my family to understand me?
EVERY MOM FEELS LIKE THEY NEED SO TIME ALONE . BECAUSE I AM A STAY HOME MOM I HAVE A 4YEARS OLD,AND3 YEARS OLD, 2 YEARS OLD , AND 11 MONTHS OLD.I JUST LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO TALK TO.
EVERY MOM FEELS LIKE THEY NEED SO TIME ALONE . BECAUSE I AM A STAY HOME MOM I HAVE A 4YEARS OLD,AND3 YEARS OLD, 2 YEARS OLD , AND 11 MONTHS OLD.I JUST LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO TALK TO.
I am focused on the "husband said no" comment. I am in that boat everyday of my life right now! He has some major issues going on, and yes I need to be understanding of his problems, but I am driving myself to the edge with juggling literally ALL of the responsibilities. He is on disability so he is stuck on the "I still bring in the money" phrase even though I am working sooooooo hard going to nursing school full time (not easy) and raising our 16 month. To this day, he has never put her down for bedtime (nap yes) he does not feed her unless it is his day (two day's) that I am at school. His mother watches our daughter from 12-5 on Tuedays and Thursday's and I dont get home till 6 on Tue and 8:30 on Thurs. So, I am stuck in this never any 'me-time' boat. When she goes to bed I immediately hit the homework till midnight at least. Then I am in bed and up every morning at 8 with our daughter. Anytime I ever ask him to watch her (even if it's just so I can shower!) he grunts and comes up with some excuse that makes me just want to punch him anymore! I have tried to explain this, but he just says that I am looking for an excuse to blame him for my stress when I should be able to balance my time better. My dad is the only person who seems to understand, and I don't like to talk to him about our personal problems because I don't think it's fair if my husband doesn't get to respond to my comments, but, my dad said that I should not blame myself if I get behind, or even fail every once in a while, because I have a lot on my plate. I feel like a married single parent and I don't have the support I need. And my husband certainly does not understand and thinks that the "me-time" desperation is just bull - some kind of woman's attempt to force him to take on more responsibility with childcare (which he thinks he does more than enough of now) If only he would have stuck to the plan of watching our daughter during the day so I could study, instead of me having to wait until she is in bed, therefore sacrificing any me time.... Did I mention the sex? or lack there of. SURE he is fine and dandy because I allow his 'quickies', I wonder if he even thinks about the fact that it has been a good three months or more since he has actually thought about going the extra mile to let me enjoy it too.... I don't even know if I am emotionally capable of having sex anymore at this point. I am 21 years old, we are in our 3rd year of marriage this month and I feel like I am just ready to give up and get out.
Michele you are not alone. I have the same situation. I have two step childern daughter that is 7 and boy that is 12, then my own daughter that is 9 months old. I fill I can't give her all the attention I can because of my step children always takening up all of my own daughters time. Some times I think my step daughter is more needy then my baby. It's not fair to me that their own mother does not take any responsibility of her own childern. I have raised them for going on two years full time. The mother is an alcoholic and is on and off the wagan all the time. so she is in and out of their lives. Plus we don't get any child support, and my husban only works because day care is so expensive and after school care too. So I don't get any help with my husbands childern even on his ex's side. He only gets home 1 hr before their bed time. I feel like I do everthing the whole load. I'm to my limit with him. I'm thinking of plan AB and C to get out of this situation. I just can't do it any more. I have to take anti depressants to deal with his kids and my husband that does not help out at all with any thing. not even taken out the trash. I have to repeat my self 5 times. Then I just take it out my self. I fill that anything I say he will do the opposite. No wining a battle with him, we just argue every day. I'm miserable. I fill I'm in a hole and can't get out of it..... I feel for you too...
Michele, I went through some of what you are going through. My ex-husband and I both worked full-time, but it was me who did everything...cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids. I fixed him snacks and drinks. I waited on him hand and foot. I worked 40+ hours a week, plus did ALL the housework and it still wasn't god enough. I was treated like a slave and his personal maid until we got divorced. I was 18 when we got married and at first I was happy to do things for him and to please him. But after a year, I realized it was me doing all the work and getting all the flack when the house was dirty or dishes were not clean, etc. He put zero effort into it. Seriously. He was abusive both physically and mentally. He was very controlling.
Well, I am not saying your situation is as bad as this, and I will not tell you what to do. But understand that it takes two people to make a relationship work. This means making compromises and working together as a team. And the value of someone who is a stay at home mom, raising kids, and/or doing all the housework is far greater than the monetary value of most jobs that husbands have. Think about how much work you do. You can put a price tag on everything you do....it adds up quickly! Your husband would be paying you big bucks to cook and clean, etc. if you and he were not married!!!!
Well, that's my two cents.
Oh and me-time???? I am a single work at home mom. At night, I answer e-mails, tidy, work on projects, watch a movie, paint my nails, read....whatever I want. I am dating someone and my mom watches my kids for a couple of hours. I belong to a playgroup and get to talk to really great stay at home and work at home moms. When I nurse my baby, I play games online. Take time for you whenever you have a lil free time. A few minutes several times a day will add up.