Yes, this should concern you. Talk to the school and see what the teacher has to say.
If you find out it’s true, talk to your son. A 9-year-old should be able to understand the difference between right and wrong, so talk to him about why he is acting this way. Ask him how he would feel if a friend bullied him. It’s important to let him know that along with such actions come consequences. At this age, a consequence might be a withdrawal of privileges such as watching television, playing video games, playing with friends or other activities.
Don’t forget to use positive reinforcement, too. Talk to him about positive ways he can play with friends and try to catch him doing these good things. For example, if he makes a good pass in a soccer game, point out how great it is that he passed the ball to his teammate.
To help him, both parents need to be on the same page. So if you meet with the teacher at school, involve Dad. It’s important for your son to know that it’s not only Mom who’s concerned about this. In many cases, involving a counselor or therapist can also help, especially if this becomes a recurring problem.
In some cases, bullying can be a sign of underlying aggressive behavior, which may need to be addressed. If left alone, it could spiral out of control and your child could get into serious trouble. It also may be a result of something he’s seen in the media, from older kids down the street or even in the family. Remember that as a parent, you are your child’s best role model.
Tanya Remer Altmann
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I myself being a single mother am going through this exact same situation my son is a 8 year old twin and since kindergarden every school he has gone to i get a callstateing that his has hit such and such and I have to pick him up and bring him home. It just happenedagain yesterday they told me that he had punched some child in the nose on the playground at recess something about a girl taking a baseball from him as it landed near him. I have had serious agression problems with my child alot in the past few years. I have had talks with him numerous times explaining that it is wrong to hurt others plus explaining or asking him how he would feel if someone treated him this way and he said he would not like it at all. Yet im at the point where im at a loss and have no clue what to do as i have already lost 2 jobs from having to leave early from work to have to go tend to my child. He is verbally agressive towards any babysitter i have had, every daycare he has been in, in the past has quit as they could not handle him and now every babysitter i have had in the past year or so told me to find another one as they stated he has told them to F*** o** and well plenty more words i wont repeat on here. I dont know where he is getting all these words and this anger and im devistated. In school he tells me that he doesnt want to go everyday and by law i have no choice not to mention i want him to have the best education he can get, yet i cant physically tie him to a chair and make him do it. It is possible that when his dad left well over a year ago now caused him alot of anger issues towards others. I tried councelling yet he refuses to talk or say anything at all so that didnt help any. He is not a big child either he is quite slender and still quite small for his age (well im 4'11 and he only comes up to my chest. Im worried about all this as he is venting alot of agression and i know when he gets older if he carries this with him its going to get worse. Plus i found that his dad had bipolar is it possible that he inherited it from his dad. Possibly his has a learning difficulty in school and this is why he is venting so much. Yet i was told by doctors that its difficult to diagnose in small children.
It is a daily fight. Your son might be too old for this already, but we used a game called Don't pick your nose when ours was small (4-5) to help him with behavior (I still have it somewhere). I found it on www.4bambini.com and they don't seem to be available anywhere else..
Yeah ,when I am a child,I was always bullied.Therefore,I have some experince of that!Now ,I tell you a story which happed childhood .When I was a 9 year old ,I was very lovely and hard studying.Howere ,I was bullied almost everyday,I dare not to tell my teacher and Dad.What is the reason?Maybe ,I had not courage ,but this is not reason.As far as I know ,it is the system of chinese education.
Hi Kelly,
I worked in a residential treatment center for kids for 5 years and I know that raising your child is very challenging, so kudos to you for working through a difficult situation. I would strongly recommend that you get some help through your local social services department. There is not a single approach that will work, you really have to "attack" it from all angles. While it is very difficult to diagnose kids at such a young age, there are several factors you've mentioned that are all likely contributing to his behavior problems. I think parenting classes are a must, not because you aren't a good parent, but because kids with these types of issues require special parenting that goes beyond the basics, and the more you know and understand, the more tools you'll have to get him successful and to keep yourself sane. Also, a good therapist who specializes in children with behavioral problems is important. You may have to try a few to find a good fit. Think of it like a good hair dresser...not every hair dresser is the RIGHT hair dresser for you! Working closely with the school and communicating any behavioral programs you start is important, because he spends so much time there, they need to participate. Also determining for sure if he has any learning disabilities, what they are and what to do about them. Medication may be helpful at some point if behavior modification skills and therapy isn't enough, but only time will tell. He's already ahead of alot of kids with these problems, because he has a mom who cares and is willing to reach out.
So here's my suggestions:
1. Go to your local social services department and ask for help. Sometimes you have to keep asking. You are your child's best advocate! They should be able to help you get help with the following items.
2. Get some parenting classes and learn more behavior modification skills so you can be a more effective parent for THIS child and his specific needs..
3. Find a therapist for your child that helps. You may have to try a few out, but keep looking, it's important.
4. Work closely with the school to implement behavioral programs and find out for sure what learning disabilities he has, if any. Then work with them to follow through on help if anything is found. The school can be a VERY powerful ally!
5. Find a support group for yourself and possibly your other child if he/she seems to need it. Other child may need a therapist, too, to deal with dad leaving.
6. Don't forget to celebrate all the other positive aspects of your son...it's easy to forget sometimes that his behavior doesn't make up all of his personality.
7. Don't forget to celebrate yourself and all that you do for your children. And remember that all of your hard work now will pay off with healthy, well adjusted kids who have the ability to form happy relationships with others.
I have a ten year old who will not listen to me, has a nasty attitute with everyone and I feel he is trying to run my life. I need help