Momtourage > Need Advice? > My fiance is worried, not happy, about my pregnancy. Why?

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THE QUESTION :

I'm five months pregnant, and my fiancé doesn't seem to be happy about it because we're not where we need to be financially. How do I get him to see that this child is a blessing and that we can still make it? I'm so tired of the pessimism.
 
THE ANSWER:

Yes, having a child is something that should be joyful and celebrated, but the expense of it all--paying for the formula, the diapers, the clothes, the medical bills, the daycare, etc.--can be a bit overwhelming, especially in these hard economic times. Your fiancé is smart to be concerned about how to finance it all, especially if he doesn't feel like he makes enough to do what he probably feels he's charged to do as a father-to-be: Take care of his family. My guess is that he's not so much unhappy about his impending fatherhood as he is worried about how he's going to adequately provide for you and the baby.

 

 

You can help allay his concerns by coming up with a realistic budget plan that will show just how the two of you can take care of a baby and pay your bills on your incomes. Sit down and tally up the extra costs you'll be taking on: You'll need baby gear, furniture, clothes, diapers, food, maybe a babysitter--the works. Pare down each expense to its bare minimum. Perhaps the $60 car seat is just as good and sturdy as the $120 one; maybe your sister can watch the baby while you're at work to save on daycare costs. Add those new baby expenses to the costs you already have--mortgage, car payment, groceries, etc.--so you have a clear financial picture of what you're about to take on.


Then show your fiancé ways that the two of you can cut costs so that you can afford what you need, and maybe even save up for a few things that you want. Maybe you can agree to do your own manicures and cut down the salon visits to once a month, or he can start packing lunch instead of buying it each day. However small or large the cutbacks, you'll be showing him dollar-for-dollar that, even though it'll take a bit of sacrifice, you can afford this baby.


More importantly, stress to him that you're okay with doing without, if it means that the two of you can work together to raise a beautiful, healthy baby in a home that may not necessarily be filled with things, but most certainly will be filled with love. He'll understand this soon enough.



Denene Millner
3 Comments
On December 6, 2008 11:09 PM
J said:

He may not mean to be pessimistic about it. My bf and me have talked about kids and he has told me that he's worried about money and such even though he makes good money and we live comfortably.

It's also a lot to worry about when you're partner is expecting, you don't quite understand the process she is going through since you aren't carrying the baby yourself and you want to make sure everyone is healthy and happy.

It's an overwhelming thing to happen because a lot of worries hit at once, but talking and communicating your fears and such help a lot to ease them.

On December 16, 2008 1:54 PM

You never have enough money, you're never where you want to be in your career, your house is never big enough, etc. One thing is for sure, you will ALWAYS find an excuse to not have a baby if you search hard enough. I promise you will make it!

On December 26, 2008 2:12 PM
car wash said:

look like very good ,we wholesale like it .come on ,find me at china wholesale.you will find good things!

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