Kids nowadays look up to their favorite pop stars just as we admired ours back in the day. But in years past our idols' private lives were rarely made public. As parents, we may be reluctant to "go there" with dating and abuse issues, especially with younger children. But you have to address Chris Brown's alleged assault of his girlfriend, Rihanna. These two young people are talented, beautiful, rich and cool - everything most kids aspire to. Tell your children that stars are human, which means they are vulnerable; can make mistakes; get into trouble; and do stupid things. Chris and Rihanna are no exception.
While various media outlets piece together information stemming from the assault charges, rumors abound. And kids pick up -- and repeat -- all of the craziness they hear, with little context, a recipe for disaster. My 9-year-old came home and asked me if it was true that Chris raped Rihanna and bit off a chunk of her skin after she provoked him. Turns out that's the story that was floating around her classroom!
Um, yeah -- this has teachable moment written all over it. Use this incident as a jumping off point to hip your kids to the rights and wrongs of dating -- and importantly the issues surrounding domestic violence. Don't get all deep and complicated on them.
I told my daughter that it wasn't fair to pass judgment on either pop star, because we don't have all the facts. I added that someone who her loves would never try to hurt her and that it's never acceptable for a man to raise his hand to a woman.
We talked about how Chris deserved to suffer the consequences if he really did hurt his girlfriend. And he should seek help to deal with whatever may have made him do such a thing. Then I explained that if anyone ever does that to her, she's to call the police and tell her dad and me right away.
As with all tough subjects, I don't believe my brief talk was the end of the discussion. Although my daughter said she understood everything I said, I told her that if she had any more questions she should come ask me.
My advice to you, mom to mom, is keep it simple but truthful and fair. Your children will deal with it just fine.
Denene Millner
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Seriously?? How old are these children that they are THAT involved already in the media circus?? Our children wouldn't even understand who these people are.
And, by the way, it's never acceptable for a woman to raise her hand in offense to a man, either. But then, you're probably one of those crazy "feminist" princesses that think all men are scum.
Why talk only about what the young man did? Would it not be more fair to talk about how she first hit him. I am a woman but I am fair. There are two (2) sides to every story.
"it's never acceptable for a woman to raise her hand in offense to a man, either"
That made me laugh. Do you know anything AT ALL about History or Anatomy?
Go study.
And oh, feminism is a movement which claims women and men should be treated equally in all aspects. Pretty stupid movement, if you'll ask me. But then what you described is not a typical feminist behavior or thought, so you should know better before spitting crap around.
You are a woman BUT you are fair? Is that supposed to mean women generally aren't?
And other thing, I don't know what you're talking about, I don't know who these people are, but a man to fight back a woman physically is almost a joke. Women are harmless compared to all the damage men can cause with one arm tied up.
Shoot, only stupid asses around here.
How about talk about how not everything (well, barely anything) you read in the tabloids are true?
First of all if they are children they shouldnt even have heard or seen the GOSSIP. Every person living should KNOW NOT TO DO HARM. Thats the real news. DO NO HARM and REGARD THE MEDIA AS FABLE
Oprah Winfrey is doing a special program on domestic abuse this Thursday, March 12. If your children are old enough, I'd encourage them to watch it. Both the statistics and stories are compelling. Did you know some woman is hit by a husband or boyfriend every 15 seconds in the USA, there are four homosides a day because of domestic abuse, and that a man who's hit a woman once WILL do it again. The most vulnerable age group is 17-24, which I believe captures both these kids.
I take exception to the "that it's never acceptable for a man to raise his hand to a woman" that is irresponsible!! Why, in the real world we have too many thinking that they are able to do mean and destructive things without retaliation. Unfortunately many "womens" media (magazines, videos, etc) And not face consequences. That is plainly wrong but many magazines do play on the get angry, dirty tricks by showing destruction, vandalism, contract assault an men by women. Girls should be aware that there are serious consequences to their actions. Many acts are criminal now that only a few years ago were stuff of jokes. It is not OK to have a person believe that they in this day and age use vandalism to "get even".
Now to the Chris Brown saga My take is this is "grandstanding" by the DA's office for political gain. I feel that the laws need some human understanding and both in this case seen to be at fault. Jealousy, envy,fear anger, are emotions that need to be controlled. But that does not mean one can treat another with contempt or provoke them hoping that they will be safe in their transgression(s)
I am writing about the reality not some ideological stand because in the future there will be no room to be human.
I feel that it is wrong period that Chris Brown abused Rihanna.Children should know to stay away from anyone who is known to be a abuser.Rihanna is surely no idol at all,she is naive and I think she is a music puppet with a good voice.If she was smart she would stay away from Chris Brown,and start spreading the word about standing up against abusers,and get out,why is she stil in the ralationship ?
I cannot believe you people are arguing about who is what. Isn't helping each other teach our children how to lead a safe, fun healthy life why we are on here? I'm a newbie on here looking for DECENT ADVICE ON HOW TO TALK TO MY CHILD..tips from other parents? and all i get is people arguing. wow.
@Jen: Oh, thank goodness--a voice of reason. I was asked, after all, to help a mom figure out what to say to them about an incident involving two incredibly talented, famous young stars. (For the woman who wonders why a 9-year-old knows who Chris Brown and Rihanna are, think of it this way: They are the equivalent of The Jonas Brothers or Miley Cyrus or Vanessa Hudgens in the black community--good, wholesome kids who make music we feel safe letting our children listen to--well, most of it.)
The fact of the matter is that while none of us ever wants our child to have to face such heady issues at this young of an age, they ARE talking about it, and it's our duty as parents to help them understand how to process the stories floating around. I feel reasonably confident that I've taught my daughter that she shouldn't ever physically hit ANYONE--girl or boy--in anger, and that it is NEVER acceptable for a boy/man to hit a girl. Period. No matter who said what/who hit who in that car that night, the bottom line is that Rihanna should NOT have emerged with her face looking the way it did. NOBODY deserves that. And I especially don't want my son thinking it's okay to do that to a woman, or my daughters to think a man who would do that to them should get away with it.
This is sound advice, I think, for a mom looking for the right things to say to her child about the situation. No insults/name-calling/accusations are necessary.