I think you need to explain to your husband exactly why you are concerned. I suspect rewarding good behavior with food, and congratulating your daughter for cleaning her plate has you worried your husband is teaching her to crave sweets and overeat. You are right; these practices can lead to overeating.
It is less of a problem now, because she is still so young. However overtime and as early as age 5, parents who serve large portions and encourage children to clean their plate can teach children to eat more than they need.
Now, toilet training is a unique learning situation. The very nature of potty training requires an immediate reward for a job well done and jelly beans can be a good solution. If I were you, I wouldn't worry about the jelly beans, because your daughter will soon master potty training and the jelly bean rewards will stop too.
Your daughter is on the threshold of a lifetime of learning and if your husband uses food as the reward for every accomplishment he will create a problem. Now is the time for the two of you to discus alternatives to using food as the exclusive reward for an accomplishment.
The next time she has a learning milestone ask your husband to acknowledge it by reading a book, playing a game or going for a walk together. Your daughter will find these activities just as enjoyable and it introduces her to a new experience she can share with her dad.
Eileen Behan
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I am planning a family now, and this is a big fear for me... I was raised with food as a reward. My mother, when she was single, would reward me with Happy Meals, fast food. After she met my Dad, she would often hide food from him... it would be our "special treat" once he went on buisiness trips or out with the boys. Well by the time i went to college, i was over 300 pounds. I had gastric bypass 6 years ago and learned how to eat all over again, but when i am stressed or sad or angry, first thing i want is fast food or something bad for me. It is a constant battle. I dont want to say I will never allow my childen to eat fast food... but it certainly is tempting after the hell I went through as an adolescent.
Dear Stacey,
I had to comment on your fears. I doubt you will make the mistakes your mother did regarding food because you have much more insight into the issue than she did. Besides you already know what to do; don't use food as the only way to reward your children and teach your kids to enjoy reasonable amounts of dessert by serving it as part of meals when you can all enjoy eating it together. Good luck
I actually think you are totally correct in thinking that congratulating your child on clearing her plate is bad. My father did that to me and has lead to years of compulsively eating everything on my plate whether I am still hungry or not. While I am sure this doesnt happen to all children, it makes me wonder if that is part of the problem with obesity in this country. Both of my younger brothers also have eating disorders and one is severely overweight. I have struggled with my weight since I was 12. I have gained and lost over 20 pounds 5 times since I was 16. Now almost 21, I have terrible body issues and practically obsessive over food. I will never use this method with my children.