If you ask a group of kids how you should handle your niece, one of them will probably say, "Don't send any more presents." My advice is a little softer. I suggest you let the niece know that you're expecting a thank you for your gift this year -- and if there is none, you won't be sending gifts in the future.
Another way to get kids thinking about the importance of a "thank you" is to ask them how they feel when they help someone out and don't get a "thank you" in return. Ask your niece to consider how she'd feel if she spent hours on the weekend helping a friend with a homework assignment -- and then the friend blows her off with a casual, "Okay, see you!" What are the odds that your niece would give up another two hours next Saturday?
Ask her: "If a friend never says 'thank you', when do you stop doing things for him or her?" That little "thank you" is so important. It's the common courtesy that encourages us to continue doing things for each other. It's what holds us together. Kids really get that.
Cindy Post Senning
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I don't think asking for a thank you is particularly good manners. The gift of giving IS the reward. Ideally a gift is given out of love instead of obligation, and somehow denying yourself the joy of giving your niece a gift (or threatening to do so) in an attempt to extort a thank you note doesn't really seem like a lot of fun. If you are worried your niece is not being raised to share her gratefulness with the gifts she receives in life (a valuable lesson that transcends a forgotten thank you note that is very common with adults let alone kids) then, speak to the girl's parents. Perhaps they have not prioritized the lesson of saying thank you in a way that manifests itself in a note. Or if you would like to teach her yourself, then have her sit down with you one day and help YOU write thank you notes for gifts you have received. Maybe you can send your niece a thank you note for a gift or art project or a lovely afternoon you spent together, so she can see how fun they are to write and receive. Take the high road. It is a more joyous way to live.
I send my great-nephew who is 11 years old a card and usually $10.00 for holidays, except Christmas, then I call him and ask what he would like. His mother is single and I know that she can't always give him what he WANTS. She fills his needs and that is what she is supposed to do. But, whether I get a call from him to say 'thank you', or not, I know he appreciates it and enjoys the money. He is very smart about his spending. He will save for months for something he really wants, so I know my gift is appreciated, even if he 'forgets' or does not have the time to call me. He goes back and forth between his mom and dad, and busy with homework. I send the card and money just to let him know that I am thinking of him and he is special to me. I don't get to see him much and I would much rather be know as the Aunt that sends $$, than the Aunt that makes him kiss and hug her. If he chooses to, that is ok, but I do not force that issue. His sweet smile is enough. And his mother always lets me know what he does with the money. His favorite thing to do is to go to garage sales with his Aunt Haylee. I don't put stipulations on a gift.
I think this country is obsessed with thank you notes. When will a simple "thank you" suffice-is that not what we have the phrase for? I grew up in Europe and a simple call or a thank you was always enough. Here people's feelings get hurt if you do not send a thank you card and instead of it being sincere, it is a necessity and an expectation.
Send the gift because she is your niece-not because you expect her to get you a thank you card or because it is a "lesson" you are trying to teach.
What's so hard about saying thank-you? Everyone deserves a thank-you, whether it's spoken or written. If someone goes out of their way to do something nice for you, the least you can do is take 5 minutes (or less!) and acknowledge the gesture. We have a rule in my house - the check doesn't get cashed until the thank-you has been done. My youngest prefers to call on the phone, my older sons prefer email. You better believe it gets done quickly around here -- they want the $$!
I suggest a gentle "Did you get the check I sent you for your birthday? I didn't hear from you, so I was concerned you didn't receive it." You don't have to be the aunt that puts conditions on gifts -- but you can be the aunt who is generous and nurtures politeness.
I have a nephew whom we send birthday and Christmas presents yearly. In return, his mother sends NOTHING and I mean NOTHING to our three children. She doesn't even acknowledge them and it really hurts my feelings. I want to stop sending this nephew gifts, but my husband insist's that 'we''re not like that'. But seriously people, my boys (whom are younger than her son) haven't even received a phone call, an e-mail, a card, or anything. I think to each his own. I think thank you's are something that we should instill in our children whether it be by phone, e-mail, or a card. It's the thought that counts and if my kids can't say 'thank you', then they don't deserve the gift. If they like it, they thank that person.
Wow, this is so over the top. You don't give to recieve, which is basically what is going on with this. Just because you don't get a thank you note doesn't mean the child is any less grateful. Lighten up on the poor kid and stop expecting everyone to live by your heightened standards, it's ridiculous.
well...simple....STOP SENDING THEM PRESENT>....
your mama didn't raise you up right.. if you think that saying " thank you" is "heightened standards" ?? acknowledging an act of kindness with a "Thank you" is "COMMON COURTESY"
kids... sigh
Golden Girls theme song, Oliver!