Your child should be able to sit through an entire meal by the time she's seven or eight. When she's younger, she can sit for a portion of the meal. If she gets fussy and restless, you can excuse her from the table. It works well if you set up a play area near the table so you can keep track of her and so you can expose her to the social interactions at the dinner table.
You can prepare your child for the event. Before the dinner, explain that the meal is more than just about eating; it's also about spending time with family.
Give her tips on the art of conversation, cues on how we make small talk. For instance, if you live in a city with a sports team, invite your eight-year-old to talk about that. Ask her, "Did you know that your Uncle Jeremiah is a big Red Sox fan? That would be a good thing to talk about tonight." Or suggest she mention things she does that might be interesting to others. Encourage her to open a conversation with: "Did you know that I was in the school play this year? We did Snow White."
Also, think about their manners. Pick out three or four that you want to focus on. For example:
• "We've never fussed about taking your baseball cap off at the dinner table, but your Aunt Rose will expect that. It's a tradition."
• Remember to chew with your mouth closed. (If you can't get your child to chew with her mouth closed, don't despair. A week before the event put a mirror in front of her face. Eight- year-olds hate to look gross. Let them see how they look.)
• Wait until everyone is served to start eating.
• Review some basic manners -- napkin in lap, use "please" and "thank you," pass right, etc.
Cindy Post Senning
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SEVEN!?
Good grief! I have been a nanny for 13 years and would fully expect the children over the age of about 2.5 to 4 (different for each child) to remain seated for the food and then for a little while afterwards.
I find letting the children down to play together in another room (so adults can chat about adult things) once they have all finished works but if any of them got down in the middle of the meal I would be surprised. It's up to the adults at the table to include the children fully as they would any other family member.
I realise I sound stuffy here but I'm 32 and no discipline is used to enforce this. Simply when they were young (out of high chair), they were told that if they got down then they were finished and the food was calmly removed with nothing else until the next meal/snack time. They got the message pretty quickly and getting down became something they didn't really think about anymore. Every mealtime involves chatting and invites questions, including manners discussions. Maybe it's different the more children you have but can you imagine 4 under 7s 'playing quietly nearby' while the adults continue their conversations uninterrupted?
I'm still waiting.
My children are 14, 19 and 22.