You might not need to broach the subject at all. She is already declining desserts and seconds so you don't need to tell her to stop eating but you will need to protect her from misinformation. Most girls her age learn what they know about food from advertisers. They incorrectly believe foods carrying nutrition claims such as "low fat", "sugar-free" or "lite" are always better choices than regular foods, and your daughter may eat these highly-advertised foods thinking they do not count. I find snack foods and drinks marketed to kids her age can be a tremendous source of unnecessary calories.
You can help her by keeping an eye on the calorie content of the foods she snacks on and drinks. I suggest her juice intake be limited to six ounces per day and milk to two cups (maybe three if she doesn't eat yogurt or cheese). She should avoid soda or sweetened ice teas and lemonade; instead, encourage her to drink water for thirst. At this age it's best if you pay attention to the calories in her snacks, because calorie-counting can create too much anxiety for an 11-year-old. Read the calories yourself and help her keep portions of cookies, crackers and so on in the 100-calorie range -- and let her eat as many fruits and vegetables as she wants.
I think the best thing you can do is to simply support her in eating well and be well informed about what she needs to eat. Serve three meals each day and have the wholesome foods on hand to snack on. Both of you can go to www.mypyramid.gov to learn more about the food groups she needs.
Eileen Behan
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I agree with this post mostly, but the 90 and 100 calorie snacks are a ripoff in my opinion. Just find healthy snacks like fruit and vegetables (raw if you can find them in produce), they will be much more filling :-)