But it is what it is, and every generation--from the zoot suit-wearing slicksters of the '40s to the long-haired hippies of the '60s to the Lee/kangol/gazelle/puma-sporting hard rocks of the '80s and beyond has had its clothing cross to bear. Today's generation of hip-hop lovers, with their sagging pants and their long white tees and expensive tennis shoes are no different; much like their predecessors, they're going to face criticism and ridicule because they don't fit into the neat, tight boxes society thinks they should.

This is what my husband and I explained to our son around his 10th birthday, when he decided he wanted to wear his hair in cornrows. Frankly, we were scared for him: He's a smart, well-mannered, well-behaved boy from a solidly middle-class family, but we knew that people who didn't know him would get a gander of his braids and assume he was some ignorant, trouble-making hood rat looking for trouble--and worse, treat him as such. Of course, we explained that there was a certain amount of fear there, too; we'd heard one too many stories of boys harassed, hurt, and even murdered for no reason other than that they looked like a "suspect" (read: like a black boy dressed up like a bad-ass, foul-mouthed rapper), and we were scared to death that his new hairstyle would have him suffer a similar, if not the same, fate.

Still, we thought it important, too, that our son not only be able to express himself, but trust that he could count on us as parents to avoid co-signing the stereotypes by telling him how he should style his hair. So we made him a deal: We let him have his cornrows, but we insisted he wear his jeans and t-shirts in the correct sizes, and that he always conduct himself in the intelligent, respectful, honorable way in which he was raised.

I believe that it's never too early for that conversation--the one in which you lay down how members of your family are to conduct themselves in public and in private. Around these parts, the kids know that cussing is not allowed, no matter how cool it may sound in front of the friends, and as long as we're buying the clothes and paying the mortgage for the house in which your room is based, we have the ultimate say on what you're wearing. This is about how our family prefers its children to look, not about how society views our choices.

He didn't always follow our rules to the letter--as long as there are kids, there will be rebellious days--but today, at age 16, he understands and respects our family's tastes and the reasons behind them and has had quite the time finding and defining his own distinct style. We think he looks good, too.