You don't fully define the members of your family outside of yourself and your daughter. Is her father involved? Does he have an opinion on the co-sleeping? My sense is that perhaps your nuclear family consists only of you and your daughter, and the situation has been going on for a very long time -- perhaps the entire eight years of your daughter's life.
It's important to make sure that your daughter feels successful and confident during her waking hours. Perhaps you could speak with her teacher about her friends at school and help foster those relationships one or two at a time. In addition, you might visit a community center to see if there's a drama club or a girl scout troop she might join. These types of activities have adult leadership, and can often foster a child's ability to feel confident and find friends with similar interests.
When she has begun to separate successfully during the day, venture into your nighttime behavior. This will take time and it may involve gradually removing yourself from your child's bedroom over several weeks as she becomes more comfortable. If at any time it becomes too stressful for either of you, I suggest you talk to your pediatric clinician and perhaps he/she may make some suggestions or a referral to a family counselor to help you both sort out the issues with a neutral professional. Good luck!
Marilyn Augustyn
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At least you are aware of the situation. My mother in law still sleeps with her 12 year old son, 10 year old daughter, and 7 year old daughter. She does not think she has a problem and whenever anyone brings up the subject she does not want to hear it. Strangely I don't know why my father in law doesn't say anything either. My husband was not raised this way.
My husband and I had our son Brendan sneak into bed with us a few months shy of his 3rd birthday. It has been a rough time trying to get him into his bed as well. My sons teacher had a really good idea. Go to the department store with your daughter and let her pick out her own sheets. Make it a fun time and stress this is for "her" big girl bed....then what you can do is have her pick out 2 books for you to read to her when she is in her bed....and tell her you will stay there till she falls asleep....gradually move your chair closer to the bedroom door each night..and after a few weeks, it will fall into place. We are actually going to get my sons bed, and we are going to do the same thing. I know we are all desperate for sleep and eventually we cave in because we need our sleep, but we are holding them back from not being able to have sleep overs, sleep over peoples house, etc. because they dont know how to be independant when they go to bed....be patient, because I know I am in for a ride as well. Just stress you will sit there till she falls asleep...and again just move yourself closer to the door as each night goes by, Good luck to both you and your daughter.
I still let my daughters sleep with me on certain occasions, but not everynight. They sleep with me when they are sick (more for my peace of mind than theirs), Friday nights and whenever my husband is out of town - which is not often. If you are going to let her sleep with you - then set boundaries.
Another idea that worked - When my oldest was 18 months she started climbing out of her crip and coming to us. Oh dear, it was hard. My husband and I tried everything. We moved her mattress into our room - that did not work. We finally turned her crib into a toddler bed and laid down on the floor with her until she fell asleep. Many times we would wake up ourselves still there, but it worked. Try laying down with her in her bed and then leave after she falls asleep. She will soon see that she is sleeping by herself and she is okay.