Parents often tell me that their toddler doesn't eat anything, yet most of those toddlers are growing and developing fine. First step is to check with your pediatrician and make sure that your daughter is truly gaining weight and growing appropriately. Here are a few reasons why she may not be eating what you think she should:
Empty calories fill the tank: It may be that she is filling up on juice, crackers or other high calorie, unhealthy foods. Make a list of everything she eats and drinks. Don't forget to include what she gets at day care or from other caregivers. You may discover that the 3 mini pretzels she snacks on before you pick her up fill her up so she's not hungry for dinner.
Small portions: A toddler's portion size is about 1/4 to 1/3 of an adult's portion size -- about the size of the palm of her hand -- so she may actually be eating enough, even though it just doesn't seem like a lot to you.
She says "no": She may be asserting her independence. You can bring a child to the table, but you can't make them eat. If you try to force it, that's one battle that you won't win. Offer a few healthy options and if she doesn't eat, put it away and offer it later when she's hungry.
Tips to make sure that her few bird-size bites are nutritious.
You don't fully define the members of your family outside of yourself and your daughter. Is her father involved? Does he have an opinion on the co-sleeping? My sense is that perhaps your nuclear family consists only of you and your daughter, and the situation has been going on for a very long time -- perhaps the entire eight years of your daughter's life.
It's important to make sure that your daughter feels successful and confident during her waking hours. Perhaps you could speak with her teacher about her friends at school and help foster those relationships one or two at a time. In addition, you might visit a community center to see if there's a drama club or a girl scout troop she might join. These types of activities have adult leadership, and can often foster a child's ability to feel confident and find friends with similar interests.
When she has begun to separate successfully during the day, venture into your nighttime behavior. This will take time and it may involve gradually removing yourself from your child's bedroom over several weeks as she becomes more comfortable. If at any time it becomes too stressful for either of you, I suggest you talk to your pediatric clinician and perhaps he/she may make some suggestions or a referral to a family counselor to help you both sort out the issues with a neutral professional. Good luck!
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Unlike adults, children often don't tire of eating the same thing every day. As long as it is healthy and he eats it, I wouldn't worry too much about repetition. When he stops eating it, then it's time to get creative or try new items.
There's really no need to make separate meals for your youngest. He can eat small pieces of what everyone else eats. Try steamed veggies and chicken cut into small pieces that he can finger feed or stab with a fork. He probably can't yet handle holding a turkey or peanut butter sandwich and taking small bites, but you can cut up the bread, lean meat and cheese into small bite size pieces for him until he is older and ready to eat it like his big sibs. Here is a sample diet for a toddler (age 1 to 3):
Breakfast
½ cup milk
½ cup cereal or oatmeal
½ cup sliced fruit such as banana or berries
Snack
½ cup yogurt
½ cup cut up fruit
½ cup water or milk
Lunch
½ to 1 slice wheat bread
¼ to ½ cup diced lean chicken or turkey
½ cup cut-up veggies or fruit
½ cup milk
Snack
Cut-up string cheese and a few whole grain crackers
½ cup water or milk
Dinner
¼ to ½ cup diced fish, lean poultry or beans
½ cup steamed broccoli or sweet potatoes
¼ to ½ cup whole grain rice or pasta
½ cup milk
While some children self-soothe through auditory, olfactory or taste sensations, many are comforted by tactile sensations.
Your son is probably enjoying all the attention he's receiving through this behavior, whether it's positive or negative. If this is the only type of sensation he seeks, it's probably a replaceable behavior, which means you can substitute one soft sensation for another.
Consider letting him choose either a silky blanket or a soft, stuffed toy. Show him how he can rub these objects between his fingers when he needs to calm himself as he does with your legs. When he tries to go for your legs, hand him the toy and simply state, "Not legs. Toy." When he switches to the toy, positively reinforce that behavior by telling him, "Good!" Often within hours to days, the switch becomes permanent -- although it may need intermittent reinforcement.
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She CAN have almost everything you eat, as long as it's cut into small pieces. Infants actually learn to eat by mashing food with their gums, so even toddlers who don't get their first tooth until they're a year old do fine with soft pieces of grown-up food. I find that one-year-olds love eating small pieces of steamed veggies (such as carrots and sweet potato), whole grains (pasta, cereal and bread) and chicken. Take whatever you eat, cook it a bit more if needed or mash it slightly so it's soft, cut it into small pieces and serve it as finger food. Thick yogurt works well when it comes to learning to use a spoon, and most infants and toddlers love it.
Remember that whole nuts, grapes, hotdogs, raw carrots and popcorn are a serious choking hazard so avoid these foods until she is older.
It was previously recommended to hold off on highly allergenic foods such as fish, egg whites and peanuts (or peanut butter) until 2 or 3 years of age depending on your family history of allergies. More recent research has shown that holding off on these foods will not decrease a child's risk of becoming allergic. Talk to your pediatrician if you do have a strong family history of food allergies. Otherwise, go ahead and offer her pieces of scrambled eggs or fish from your plate and see how she likes it.
Healthy food habits are formed at a young age, so make sure you expose her to lots of fresh fruit and veggies, dairy products, lean poultry, fish and whole grains. It may take a dozen tries before she develops a taste for a particular item. And don't forget that you are your child's best role model for her future eating habits.
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First, support your daughter. Help her understand why people stare and whisper. Explain to her that it's their problem, not hers -- and that she is beautiful and wonderful and strong. Emphasize that she is differently-abled.
When it comes to community children, it's usually best to work at a systemic level. For example, find out if your school system would be interested in partnering with you to develop a disability awareness curriculum. Your child isn't the only one in the community suffering silently. There are several established curriculum that can be tailored to the disabilities of a variety of children.
Depending on the age and ability of your daughter, she might even be interested in doing a presentation herself on her specific challenge. This way your child is proactive in helping to teach kids about herself and others. Through understanding comes acceptance. Good luck!
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Around this age, parents either tell me that their child won't eat anything, or that they eat all day long, so yes, it is very common. Your daughter may be going through a growth spurt and therefore is truly hungry.
Healthy habits begin at a young age and this is especially important for toddlers who like to eat. Make sure that her meals and snacks are healthy--fresh fruit and veggies, dairy products, lean meats and whole grains. Some children eat more during snack time than meal time so snacks can be an extension of the meal. Give her the rest of the chicken and veggies she didn't finish at lunch, or yogurt with fresh fruit.
Check in with your pediatrician to make sure that her growth is on track. As long as she isn't overweight and the food you're feeding her is healthy, then feed her when she's hungry. I haven't had a patient become overweight eating extra fruit and veggies. If you truly think she has had enough, or if your pediatrician determines that she is consuming too many calories, then serve her appropriate portions of healthy food and then distract her with a fun activity like going for a walk or reading a book.
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It is critically important that schools and families work together. I suggest you talk to his teacher or the school administrator who handled the cheating -- assuming it was discovered.
If the school imposed a punishment, it's really important that you reinforce with your son the purpose of this punishment. Depending on how significant that punishment was, I suggest you talk to him about what he thinks a reasonable "home consequence" should be for his cheating.
If this is a first-time behavior that's completely out of character, I would handle him differently than I would handle a child who has a chronic coping strategy of lying, avoiding and cheating. Talk to him about the fears that may have led him to cheat. Is he lazy about his studies? Is he truly struggling in that subject? Talk it out until you've helped to surface some of the reasons for his actions. And if he is feeling insecure about the subject, consider asking his teacher for extra help or think about bringing in a tutor.
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There are actually two important questions rolled into your one: what to do about a bullying situation and how to talk to your teenager.
The first is a more time-sensitive issue, so let's start there. Bullying is a significant problem in the U.S. today. Kids have always tried to resolve conflict with power, but what's more insidious about bullying in the 21st century is the escalating level of violence and the means available to kids, like cyber bullying. It's important to find out if your daughter is enduring more than verbal teasing. Does she feel safe at school? Has this "teasing" gone electronic -- is he using the internet or instant messaging to continue to harass her outside of school? All of these tactics can quickly escalate an innocent situation into a significant situation. Find out what your school system is doing about bullying. Is there a school or district policy on internet use? To find out more information -- and gather some strategies to help your daughter, I suggest you check out stopbullyingnow.
Your second question is much more difficult: how to get your teenager to talk to you. Sometimes it requires captive time, i.e., turn off the radio, cell phone and the iPod when you're driving with her and just talk! There are minimal distractions when you're on a 20-minute car drive to school, so seize the moment. It's also important to emphasize trust and the fact that you want to listen -- and that requires significant silence on your part. Rather than rushing in to fix everything, try to stay quiet and just hear what your daughter is saying. After a few "car sessions," the length of time she talks will increase and your capacity to truly listen to what she is telling you will strengthen your relationship -- and her capacity to hear what you say in response.
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How old is that boy at school? Obviously his behavior is inappropriate at any age, but it may need to be handled differently if he is younger or older.
You were right to go to the school administrators and, if you feel that your daughter is in danger, you may also want to call Child Protective Services in your area. Let them know what is happening. They can investigate the situation. It could be that this boy is acting out because he has been a victim himself, or because he has been exposed to such behavior in his home, neighborhood or through the media.
As for your daughter, let her know how proud you are of her and that she should always feel safe coming to you in such situations. Consult with the school administrators to see if there are other ways to put some distance between your daughter and this boy. Hopefully, he'll receive the help he needs, but if you think it necessary, you can also request that he not be in your daughter's class next term.
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Every mom wants to do the best for her child. And most parents are also quick to assume responsibility and guilt for any challenge.
Try speaking with your child's teacher about the struggles he's having with homework. In first or second grade, homework should be reinforcing the lessons covered in class during the day and should not be stressful. If your son is having a hard time, it may indicate a challenge that needs educational support.
I also suggest that you explain to your son that your mind works differently than his. Be honest. Let him know that sometimes it's hard for you to explain the schoolwork to him. Perhaps his other parent could take over this role, and you could provide support in other areas that are not as difficult for you.
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It sounds like your daughter may need some encouragement and reassurance. Try sitting with her and helping her along the way. If an assignment is long, break it into smaller, more manageable sections so she can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Praise her for success at each step. Consider implementing a small reward system, depending on her age, for completing assignments and getting good grades. If she doesn't respond to your help, or you find yourself battling over schoolwork, consider bringing in a tutor (try a local high school or college student). Children often respond better to an outside person who is not mom or dad. Continue to encourage, reassure and praise her for her efforts and success.
In addition, talk to her teacher and/or school counselor and ask them if they have any concerns. If there are bigger issues than just her negative attitude at home, you may need to enlist professional help.
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It's perfectly fine to take your new baby home for the holidays. The danger isn't in the airplane itself, but the potential contact with sick individuals. If possible, wait until she is 6-to 8-weeks old and has received her first set of vaccinations--to protect against whooping cough, pneumococcal and Hib meningitis and rotavirus (a vomiting and diarrhea illness).
Since you'll be traveling in the winter, it's possible that you and your infant may be exposed to other cold and flu viruses. Your newborn's immune system is still maturing, which makes her more susceptible to catching colds as well as becoming seriously ill very quickly. So make sure that you and your family receive flu vaccines to decrease your chance of catching the flu and passing it on to your baby. Don't forget to wash your hands frequently or use hand-sanitizer, especially before touching your infant.
Some infants do experience ear discomfort during takeoff and landing (landing more so than takeoff). The reason for this is that an infant's ear canals are narrower and more curved than adults, so pressures changes can sometimes cause pain. Breastfeeding, bottle-feeding, or sucking on a pacifier is often soothing during these periods because sucking and swallowing can help equalize the pressure and decrease the pain. Be sure to wait until the plane is about to take off or start its descent so your baby doesn't fill up and stop sucking too soon. If your infant is asleep, no need to wake her up, as many 2 month-olds will simply sleep through take off or landing. Just be ready in case she does wake up crying, so you can easily nurse, feed or offer her a pacifier.
Another tip that may ease discomfort is to give an appropriate dose of acetaminophen about 30 minutes prior to take off, and if your flight is over 4 hours, again prior to landing.
Also, make sure you pack all of the necessary items such as diapers, wipes, burp cloths and changes of clothes for your flight. Have fun!
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Starting middle school can be an exciting time filled with many challenges, including changing classrooms, meeting new teachers and making new friends. To help ease the transition for your son, take a tour of the school ahead of time and walk to each of his classes if you know where they are.
Consider throwing a back-to-school party with neighborhood classmates so he can get to know them. When school begins, encourage him to join a club or team so he can meet students with similar interests. Once he's familiar with the campus and has some friends in his grade, he will be off to a good start for an enjoyable new school year.
While I'm not familiar with any books written specifically for middle-school boys to read themselves, I have found the following resources from the American Academy of Pediatrics to be useful for parents:
Since you have a history of a consistent bedtime routine and your toddler previously slept well, it does sound like something is causing him discomfort and disrupting his night. He's at the right age for teething and some toddlers do experience quite a bit of pain as teeth poke their way through sensitive gums...ouch!
Try an appropriate dose of acetaminophen or ibuprofen prior to bedtime and see if that helps. It's perfectly fine to comfort him, but try to keep him in his bed. Although it may be difficult, try not to change his bedtime routine and avoid bringing him into your bed when you're rocking him back to sleep or feeding him. The teething should pass in about a week, and you don't want him to continue waking up for this new, fun routine. Once the teething comes to an end, he should again sleep through the night as he previously did -- and so will you.
If he seems excessively irritable or if the symptoms persist, make an appointment with your pediatrician to rule out any other cause of pain or illness. Sometimes an ear infection, sore throat or sores in the mouth may cause mouth pain, even without a fever or other signs of a cold.
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