There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Sometimes you have to go back to work for financial reasons — perhaps your husband is the sole provider and lost his job, or you are going through a divorce. So you just have to go back to work, now.

If the reason is emotional, it’s more complicated. Maybe you find that working at home raising children isn’t satisfying enough. You feel like you’re missing part of yourself. That makes you feel guilty. You’re supposed to love being a mom, right?

Let me tell you a story. It’s about me. When I first went back to work, after my first baby, I gave my babysitter a video camera so I could see the first step, hear the first word, and everything else. I told her, “Catch it on video!” After a while I realized that I don’t need to be there at every moment. It doesn’t have to be her very first step—I’ll be there for the first step she takes for me. With my second child, I was more relaxed.

Try swapping your kids—but just for an hour! Reach out to a mom who’s in the same situation and make a deal: I’ll watch your kids for an hour, and later, you watch mine. You may need to get out of the “no one else can do it” mindset, though. If she knows how to take care of her children, she can take care of yours for a little while.