Most of the time she adores me but when things don't go her way OMG it's all my fault.  She's such a Republican. I always love asking her about it later - like when I'm getting her ready for bed or we're having a sweet moment.  I'll say, "Do you remember saying you didn't love me anymore when I asked you to get off the computer?"  She always replies coyly, "Oh I didn't mean it.....but you really wanted me off the computer!"  She's good at turning it around - future politician.

It's always comforting to hear another 6 year old upbraid their mother.  Don't you love that?!  Here's a helpful hint of the day - when your child is verbally abusive to you and another mother smiles when she hears it that's because she's just relieved to know it's not her.  It's the perfect, "It's not you it's me" moment. 

I had one of those moments in the playground after school yesterday.  Our dear friend Ethan, also 6, also has a somewhat troubled relationship with his mother.  He loves her but when he doesn't get his own way holy crap does he become an abusive husband: "You ruined my life!"; "You're no fun at all, I hate you"; "You're so boring, you're old,"; "I'm going to take away your TV tonight!"; "I wish I had a different mom".  That last one always puts a smile on my face.  He knows just how to go for the juggular. 

His mom, my good friend Nancy, is a single, hard-working mother.  Boy, her job isn't easy.  She's doing it all alone and I don't envy her but she is really good with Ethan.  She doesn't fall for his psychological waterboarding.  She's no weakling.

Yesterday, she had to leave the playground at a specific time.  She gave Ethan plenty of ample notice about the time too: every 15 minutes approaching the hour, she gave him a time warning.  It wasn't like she just pulled the rug out from under him.  So, when 3:30 hit she was ready to leave.  He launched into his usual temper tantrum, babyish fake crying, begging, pleading and when that didn't work he let it rip: 

"I hate you, you're mean, you don't love me.....you're embarrassing me......I hate your clothes."  He's good, he can turn it completely around (another future politician).  He put on quite a performance.  This kid really knows his audience too.  I literally went up to him in front of his mother and said:

"On behalf of the Academy the award for best male performance in a drama goes to.....drum roll please.....Ethan.  Yeah!!!!!!!!"  He was not amused.

Nancy laughed.  She really needed a laugh at that moment because honestly, if he was just a few years older and a little heavier we'd be calling the cops.  The tension he was trying to create was palpable.   

Of course, he didn't get his way.  Nancy is always consistent - the real key to parenting.  She left the park and left Ethan in the dust.  He was sitting there all by himself, crying, (huge, real tears - he's so Method) watching his mother slowly walking out of the park.....of course she never gets further than a block away.  So, I grabbed his backpack, put it on him and walked him to the gate.  (We go through this at least twice a week.)

"Run after her Ethan, go catch up to your mom.  It's all up to you little man.  Show your mom that you decided to leave the park all by yourself."  I reassured him. 

He falls for it every time - the pseudo 'it's really all up to you' game.   Another invaluable lesson from Rabbi Shmuley and a great technique for dealing with 6 year olds and 46 year olds.  Basically, a tool for getting along with everyone.

What's the most outrageous thing your child has said to you?  Share their insults with us - you'll laugh about it I swear.  My friend has a tweenager who says things to her like, "Your parenting skills suck!"  Wow.  And she upbraids her mother on her MySpace as well.   I'm so not looking forward to those years.