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by momraisingboys
My friend and I were discussing at what age it's ok to drop off your child at say, baseball, while you go and park the car. This would require that your child walk by himself to the game or
practice or to the locker rooms. What do you feel is appropriate?
My friend and I were discussing at what age it's ok to drop off your child at say, baseball, while you go and park the car. This would require that your child walk by himself to the game or
practice or to the locker rooms. What do you feel is appropriate?
It seems that parents of boys take more liberties with their sons--thinking that they're safer than girls from abduction and sexual abuse. Most people consider girls as the primary victims of these heinous crimes, probably because of the high level of attention paid by the media on girl-related abductions and crimes (especially Caucasian girls).
The sexual abuse of boys is an issue that has terribly damaging proportions that society appears to be ignoring. According to an article called The Secret Epidemic by Karl Tipple (see http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/abusedboys.html#secret) "as many as 1 of 3 girls is sexually abused before she reaches 16 ; what is still not widely known by the public and much of the psychiatric community is that as many as 1 in 5 boys are sexually abused before he reaches 16. This statistic was quoted from Matthew Parynik Mendel's book "The Male Survivor: The Impact of Sexual Abuse." The sexual abuse of boys, and of children in general, knows no economic, social, cultural or geographic boundaries. A major contributor to the problem is the prevailing shroud of myths that muddy the issue and allow perpetrators to continue their actions unabated. Some common myths include: "only men are sexual predators," "boys are not harmed by sexual contact if it is by a woman," "boys want such contact if it is by a woman," and "if a boy is sexually abused, it is because he wanted it or asked for it." As long as society clings to these and other commonly held mistaken beliefs, boys, men, their families, and society as a whole will continue to suffer."
There are several reasons why we aren't aware of sexual abuse and boys. One issue is that boys are less likely to disclose when the have been abused. To see a breakdown of the
identified reasons why, go to: http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/male-victims-of-sexual-abuse.html.
Knowing that there is a cultural bias that males cannot be victims, is even more reason why we as parents need to create an open line of communication with our sons. It's essential that our boys feel comfortable enough to have difficult conversations with us. We have a responsibility to make our sons feel like what they say is important and that we are listening. A few ways to help create this level of comfort are:
1. When your child approaches you and wants to talk, stop what you're doing and gain eye
contact so he knows you have his full attention.
2. LISTEN
3. Ask questions.
4. LISTEN
5. Don't make comments that diminish the importance of what he's saying (even when
you feel that what he's saying is wasting your time).
6. Don't be critical.
7. Thank him for talking to you, when you know what he's told you is important to him
(again, even when you feel that what he's talking about isn't important or is wasting your time).
8. LISTEN
The bottom line is that sexual abuse and boys exists. We all need to be aware of that hidden fact. We can let our children know of the dangers out there, but should they fall victim to abuse, be aware that they are not likely to tell you. You should be take the necessary precautions to prevent abuse and be aware of the signs of victims of abuse. Your child won't just turn on a switch and open up to you if he feels that you will judge him, that you're
preoccupied when he speaks to you, that what he says is not important to you or that he's wasting your precious time. That's why it's essential to implement the above communication strategies in every conversation--so that shiuld he really have something important to
tell you--he will.
Submitted by momraisingboys (view blog)
The sexual abuse of boys is an issue that has terribly damaging proportions that society appears to be ignoring. According to an article called The Secret Epidemic by Karl Tipple (see http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/abusedboys.html#secret) "as many as 1 of 3 girls is sexually abused before she reaches 16 ; what is still not widely known by the public and much of the psychiatric community is that as many as 1 in 5 boys are sexually abused before he reaches 16. This statistic was quoted from Matthew Parynik Mendel's book "The Male Survivor: The Impact of Sexual Abuse." The sexual abuse of boys, and of children in general, knows no economic, social, cultural or geographic boundaries. A major contributor to the problem is the prevailing shroud of myths that muddy the issue and allow perpetrators to continue their actions unabated. Some common myths include: "only men are sexual predators," "boys are not harmed by sexual contact if it is by a woman," "boys want such contact if it is by a woman," and "if a boy is sexually abused, it is because he wanted it or asked for it." As long as society clings to these and other commonly held mistaken beliefs, boys, men, their families, and society as a whole will continue to suffer."
There are several reasons why we aren't aware of sexual abuse and boys. One issue is that boys are less likely to disclose when the have been abused. To see a breakdown of the
identified reasons why, go to: http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/male-victims-of-sexual-abuse.html.
Knowing that there is a cultural bias that males cannot be victims, is even more reason why we as parents need to create an open line of communication with our sons. It's essential that our boys feel comfortable enough to have difficult conversations with us. We have a responsibility to make our sons feel like what they say is important and that we are listening. A few ways to help create this level of comfort are:
1. When your child approaches you and wants to talk, stop what you're doing and gain eye
contact so he knows you have his full attention.
2. LISTEN
3. Ask questions.
4. LISTEN
5. Don't make comments that diminish the importance of what he's saying (even when
you feel that what he's saying is wasting your time).
6. Don't be critical.
7. Thank him for talking to you, when you know what he's told you is important to him
(again, even when you feel that what he's talking about isn't important or is wasting your time).
8. LISTEN
The bottom line is that sexual abuse and boys exists. We all need to be aware of that hidden fact. We can let our children know of the dangers out there, but should they fall victim to abuse, be aware that they are not likely to tell you. You should be take the necessary precautions to prevent abuse and be aware of the signs of victims of abuse. Your child won't just turn on a switch and open up to you if he feels that you will judge him, that you're
preoccupied when he speaks to you, that what he says is not important to you or that he's wasting your precious time. That's why it's essential to implement the above communication strategies in every conversation--so that shiuld he really have something important to
tell you--he will.
Submitted by momraisingboys (view blog)
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