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Why we shouldn't condemn the woman who gave birth at 66 via IVF and died this week at 69.
The death this past weekend of the woman who, for a time, held the Guinness Book of World Records title for oldest woman to give birth, surely incited a wave of judgmental head shaking. Some would argue that Maria del Carmen Bousada's pregnancy at age 66 went against the laws of nature. Others might even go so far as call her selfish. After all, her 2-year-old twin boys are now orphaned. How could she become a mother when she could not guarantee she'd remain healthy enough to raise her boys into adulthood?
To ask this question of Bousada requires also asking it of anyone who wants to become a parent, and that is a scary precedent. Is it irresponsible for the 25-year-old with uncontrolled diabetes or a heart defect to become pregnant? Or what a about a woman who knows she carries the gene that increases her odds of developing breast cancer? And do we ask the same question of men? It's not uncommon for men in their 60's and 70's to father children. They're not judged in the same way as Bousada and the many women--nearly 500 in the U.S. in 2007--who give birth past the age of 50. And if you were to ask Bousada herself why she pursued children despite the odds, perhaps her answer would be the same as an older fathers': Children were her dream. If medical technology had finally advanced to a point where motherhood was now possible, how could she not try?
Bousada was particularly driven in her pursuit of this dream. She sold her house in her native Spain to afford the $59,000 cost of infertility treatments. She lied to doctors, telling them she was 55 when she was a decade older. And when asked by reporters how she could know she'd be around to dance with her sons at their weddings, she brimmed with optimism. Her own mother had lived to 101, so she might even get to become a grandmother someday. And all of that was certainly possible.
But those hopes ended this past weekend, when Bousada died of cancer. Her sons, Christian and Pau, were left without a mother. But just as tragically, Bousada was robbed of motherhood. She was stripped of the joy of watching them learn to ride a tricycle, of the bittersweet pride that fills any parent when their child walks through those kindergarten class doors for the first time.
And now her death has revived the debate over IVF regulations. Should she have been prevented from conceiving? Dr. Robert Greene, medical director of Sher Institute for Reproductive Medicine in Sacramento, doesn't think so. As long as the woman is healthy, she should be allowed the chance to become a mother. "I would rather have a healthy 55 year old patient than an unhealthy 25 year old," says Dr. Greene, whose oldest patient to give birth was 58 years old. "If you're going to say a woman shouldn't be able to have biological child after a certain age, then men shouldn't be allowed to either."
There is no cutoff age for reproductive assistance, but the American Society for Reproductive Medicine advises physicians they may withhold services if they believe the parents will be unable to provide adequate care. (This is a question that came up earlier this year when Nadya Suleman, already a mother of 6, gave birth to octuplets with the help of a California fertility clinic.) Dr. Sher believes the guiding principle of medicine: "First, do no harm," is enough to help physicians determine who should receive treatment and who shouldn't. "If you help someone with an underlying health problem get pregnant, you're putting two lives at risk," he says.
So if a 50, 60 or even 70 year old is healthy and fit to parent--who can say they wouldn't do a good job? Some would argue that menopause is Mother Nature's way of saying you're too old to mother. But should the 35-year-old who goes into early menopause be denied motherhood even though the technology exists for it to happen? Or the 13-year-old be told she's ready to parent as soon as her biological clock ticks its first tock? Even by age 18, a teen-ager's body might be physically ready to handle the rigors of pregnancy. But her bank account surely isn't. An older mother who is physically fit and financially stable could arguably create a better, more secure life for her child than a younger woman.
"For older moms, motherhood is a burning desire," says Robin Gorman Newman, founder of MotherhoodLater.com, a Web site for new mothers over age 35. "It's not an 'oops' baby. These mothers are thrilled."
And having lawmakers decide who's too old or unfit to become a mother would likely open a Pandora's box of ethical questions. It's a tricky issue that wraps in the abortion debate. Should government be able to legislate what a woman does with her body? Dr. Greene says no, and that the checks and balances on unscrupulous physicians who assist unhealthy women in becoming pregnant should come from state medical licensing boards. "The reality is that to (enact legislation) would be applying a legal standard to reproductive issues that doesn't exist anywhere else in health care," he says.
But if there's not a legal line, should there at least be an ethical one? If 66 year olds need to prove themselves physically fit, shouldn't obese 25-year-old women--who are at increased risk of gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia during pregnancy as well as future heart disease--be required to lose weight before conception as well? Should vasectomies be mandatory starting at age 60? Should all parents be required to keep their cholesterol low until their children graduate high school?
Many of the older women who find their way to Dr. Greene's clinic do so because after decades of searching, they finally found "the guy." Or they suffered the death of a child. How can anyone deny a healthy, able-bodied person the chance to create a family with a loved one, or fill a hole left in their heart? Bousada might have had only two years with her children, but it was two years lived fulfilling a dream held for a lifetime. And for her, that might have been enough.
—Cynthia Ramnarace
Bousada was particularly driven in her pursuit of this dream. She sold her house in her native Spain to afford the $59,000 cost of infertility treatments. She lied to doctors, telling them she was 55 when she was a decade older. And when asked by reporters how she could know she'd be around to dance with her sons at their weddings, she brimmed with optimism. Her own mother had lived to 101, so she might even get to become a grandmother someday. And all of that was certainly possible.
But those hopes ended this past weekend, when Bousada died of cancer. Her sons, Christian and Pau, were left without a mother. But just as tragically, Bousada was robbed of motherhood. She was stripped of the joy of watching them learn to ride a tricycle, of the bittersweet pride that fills any parent when their child walks through those kindergarten class doors for the first time.
And now her death has revived the debate over IVF regulations. Should she have been prevented from conceiving? Dr. Robert Greene, medical director of Sher Institute for Reproductive Medicine in Sacramento, doesn't think so. As long as the woman is healthy, she should be allowed the chance to become a mother. "I would rather have a healthy 55 year old patient than an unhealthy 25 year old," says Dr. Greene, whose oldest patient to give birth was 58 years old. "If you're going to say a woman shouldn't be able to have biological child after a certain age, then men shouldn't be allowed to either."
There is no cutoff age for reproductive assistance, but the American Society for Reproductive Medicine advises physicians they may withhold services if they believe the parents will be unable to provide adequate care. (This is a question that came up earlier this year when Nadya Suleman, already a mother of 6, gave birth to octuplets with the help of a California fertility clinic.) Dr. Sher believes the guiding principle of medicine: "First, do no harm," is enough to help physicians determine who should receive treatment and who shouldn't. "If you help someone with an underlying health problem get pregnant, you're putting two lives at risk," he says.
So if a 50, 60 or even 70 year old is healthy and fit to parent--who can say they wouldn't do a good job? Some would argue that menopause is Mother Nature's way of saying you're too old to mother. But should the 35-year-old who goes into early menopause be denied motherhood even though the technology exists for it to happen? Or the 13-year-old be told she's ready to parent as soon as her biological clock ticks its first tock? Even by age 18, a teen-ager's body might be physically ready to handle the rigors of pregnancy. But her bank account surely isn't. An older mother who is physically fit and financially stable could arguably create a better, more secure life for her child than a younger woman.
"For older moms, motherhood is a burning desire," says Robin Gorman Newman, founder of MotherhoodLater.com, a Web site for new mothers over age 35. "It's not an 'oops' baby. These mothers are thrilled."
And having lawmakers decide who's too old or unfit to become a mother would likely open a Pandora's box of ethical questions. It's a tricky issue that wraps in the abortion debate. Should government be able to legislate what a woman does with her body? Dr. Greene says no, and that the checks and balances on unscrupulous physicians who assist unhealthy women in becoming pregnant should come from state medical licensing boards. "The reality is that to (enact legislation) would be applying a legal standard to reproductive issues that doesn't exist anywhere else in health care," he says.
But if there's not a legal line, should there at least be an ethical one? If 66 year olds need to prove themselves physically fit, shouldn't obese 25-year-old women--who are at increased risk of gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia during pregnancy as well as future heart disease--be required to lose weight before conception as well? Should vasectomies be mandatory starting at age 60? Should all parents be required to keep their cholesterol low until their children graduate high school?
Many of the older women who find their way to Dr. Greene's clinic do so because after decades of searching, they finally found "the guy." Or they suffered the death of a child. How can anyone deny a healthy, able-bodied person the chance to create a family with a loved one, or fill a hole left in their heart? Bousada might have had only two years with her children, but it was two years lived fulfilling a dream held for a lifetime. And for her, that might have been enough.
—Cynthia Ramnarace
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Oh for heaven's sake. A 25 year old mother could die at any time. None of us are immortal, so let's quit pointing the finger at others.
I think common sense should be applied at any age. Whether it is to get pregnant or deciding how many children is enough for your personal circumstances. I know that at the age of 50 it would be wrong for ME to have another child. I am ready to be a Grandmother. I do question choosing single parenthood at any age. If the worst should happen, the children are left without any parents who have been in their lives since birth. Children deserve two parents. I grew up in a poor single parent household due to divorce, it was hard and became harder until I grew up and made my own decisions. Choosing parenthood means putting someone else ahead of your own personal desires.
If you want children so much, then have them when you're young enough to take care of them. I began having kids at 32, have had one about every 2 years (because I breastfeed and don't resume ovulating for a least a year post delivery), and now at the age of 42, am pregnant with my 5th child. This pregnancy is the toughest by far and I'm convinced it's because I'm older. I wish I would have met and married my husband in my 20s and began having children then...that's the age when women are biologically supposed to have kids, but that didn't happen. That said, I would NOT have waited until I was 45+ to have my first child...I wanted to have children and would have had them at a younger age no matter what. If you're going to have kids, you need to put that dream before your career or finding the perfect man. Waiting until you're menopausal to decide to have a child is absurd. The Spanish woman had been in menopause for 15 years when she decided to conceive and had to take hormones to alter her body so she could carry a baby. Biologically, we are NOT meant to carry children so late in life.
In my oldest child's class, most of the other kids are the youngest in their families...and I had him at 32!! If you want children, have them in your upper 20s or 30s--sorry, you CAN'T have it all unless you're wealthy and can basically hire someone else to care for your kids while you work. If you really want to be a parent, then be a parent and do it when you're young enough to enjoy it.
I am not going to segregate women from men on this issue. I do not think people, men and women, should DECIDE to undergo reproductive assistance to have children so late in the game. This opinion is solely concerns the children. These children basically come into the world to become orphans or become caretakers for their aging parents when they should be enjoying their childhood. I have known and witnessed families where the children do not get the proper attention or get to play with the parent because the parent(s) just aren't up to it. Also I have seen where most children go away to sleepovers, camp, prom, etc...meanwhile children of aging parents worry and care for their parents. These children carry concerns for their parents' health and well being at such a young age usually reserved for adults. This should also carry to people with health problems such as obesity, etc. It is a wonderful thing that these people yearn for children but we have to think of the children.
If anything happens to any mother who has a young child, it is easy for them to be placed with loving couples who can not conceive. This happens all the time. It doesn't matter if a woman is able to be healthy enough to carry a pregnancy. There is a young man that I love deeply & I am 51, but still able to carry a child. I would pick a woman with natural blond hair as my man is, this way the child will have more of his features.
But for the love of Ryan, I would gladly go through it for a 3rd time. The other 2 were when I was 19 & 21, natural.
My parents had me when they were 36 and 45, and my youngest sister 4 years later. My oldest brother is technically old enough to be my father. There were many times I wished while I was growing up that my parents were younger and would play and spend time with me like my friends parents did. However, being born to older parents offered me the advantage of being instilled with the morals of an older generation--I was raised the same way my husband's parents were. I can get along and relate to older people better than my peers, after all, my brothers and sisters are their age, as well as people my age and younger. I was taught to be respectful, to have compassion and empathy for others, the value of a dollar, and to work hard. This was not the case for many of my peers and especially of kids today. I thank my parents for raising me right.
On the other hand, I am 33 and have to help care for my aging parents; and my mom has dementia. My kids wonder why grandma & grandpa can't play ball with them like their other grandparents.
There are pros and cons either way; I chose to have my children young--18, 21 and at 27 and enjoy playing dress up with my six year old daughter or playing baseball with my boys. The only disadvantage to that is you may also end up being a grandparent while people your age are just starting families--my 18 year old step-daughter, whom I raised since age two and consider her mine--is due in November. Kind of weird how I'm a grandma long before my mom stopped having babies.
I guess that's the way it goes...
I was one and a half when my mother died. She gave birth one monring and died early the next morning and the baby died three days later she was in her early twenties.
I had my children young and loved it!! I could do anything with them. No I didn't have a perfect marriage and both my kids have different fathers. But I know they are grateful that I was able to do and play with them much more than older parents can. I have many friends with parents that were over 40 and they are all very bitter, most of thier parents couldn't even play ball or have a catch with them cause they were too old and too tired to do so. You have responsilbilites as a parent and being able to take care and play with your children is most important, yes it is true you can die anytime, but don't your children derserved to be played with? There is a reason our bodies go through menopause, if nature intened us to have children later there would be no menopause. I also have friends now in thier 40's having children for the first time and they are having a rough time. They are so set in thier ways they don't realize the energy and time involved it takes to have children. It is a fact of life, after a certain age you slowly deteriorate there is no avoiding it, so just learn to live with it. In 6 years my youngest will be 18 and at 42 I will be able to live my life for me. I couldn't imagine having a baby now, not sure I would be physically up to it every day like when I was 20.
I think only the person wanting to get pregnant can determine if she is ready for the challanges of a child and age should have nothing to do with it. To Claire, some of us are not lucky enough to find the person that you want to have your children with until later in life and sometimes you don't find him at all. Why should you be denied the joy (and resposibility ) of having a child because you waited? Every person is different, I found a wonderful man when I was 48 but I realized that as much as I has wanted to be a mother, and I think I would have been a darned good one, I had not the patience or the stamina. But some other woman at my same age has what it takes, why not? I am all fot a woman being able to have a child at ANY time!!! We do not come with a warranty for life, you can die tomorrow as you come off from bed. Ms Bousard die of cancer, not of old age!!!!
"Bousada might have had only two years with her children, but it was two years lived fulfilling a dream held for a lifetime. And for her, that might have been enough."
And what about the kids?
I Am 27 and I have almost no chance of having a child without help but I don't have the money right now in life to do so. So to marala your coment about having two parents you have the right to be a single parent if your bio. clock is ticking and you havent found the right guy then I say go for why wait on a man if you can raise a child on your on and give it all the love it needs. and to claire in my point of view you are being a hipocret you are telling people to have kids at a young age and you didn't what if you can't have a child on your own with out feritly drugs and can't aford them just yet in life every body who is passing there judgement has or is having a child and I can't so you better belive no matter how old I become as long as I can cary and have even just a little chance to hold my child I will do it. It may sound selfish but you got to see it from a diffrent point of view i've had 16 miscarges sence I was 18 years old and my chances are geting slimer by each day so don't juge untill you've walked in someone elases shoes.
Whatever God allows for one individual, may not be for another.
In earlier times, and cultures it was NOT unusual for a woman to give birth past 40 OR 50. It is only in our consumer, material, and possession mad society that we feel it literally necessary to preserve our sense of "status-quo" by dictating what individuals can and cannot do with their lives.
Everything we do is a choice, EVERYTHING. What was biologically IMpossible a decade ago, is now no longer out of reach. The same arguments being applied to these women AND men who decide to become older parents, as were once reserved for those who decided to use birth control, and were roundly condemned for THAT. It was that THEY were acting against nature, society, and The Church. As for the so-called "age barrier", let them think on the many thousands of grandparents who have m ore than successfully raised their grandchildren to maturity and beyond. We now have not one but TWO US Presidents who give full faith and credit to their GRANDPARENTS, for raising them so well:
William Jefferson Clinton and Barak Husein Obama.
My mother gave birth to me at age 39, to my brothers at 44, and 51 respectively. BOTH of my great aunts had their youngest children at age 56. ALL of these children are past 45 now and doing just fine. EVERYONE of us feel that we BENIFITED from older parents and were PROUD to be raised by full grown and MATURE men and women; instead of children barely out of their teens who barely knew how to live in the real world, let along be parents. . So many people today use their children to help them "grow-up" and want to be their kids' BFF:
GROW UP!! (BEFORE you have kids); YOU are the parent, the grown up:
something you CANNOT POSSIBLY BE at 16-23, (and sometimes not even until 35 or 40, depending upon the individual involved).
So, as we enter a whole new world, with MUCH longer life spans, and the choices to go with them; we need to STOP JUDGING some one else for the personal choices they make, and just rejoice that we CAN make them at ALL.
Pokeygirl
g4tgat
I am 34 and just got blessed with my second child. I had been told that I would never carry to term before my first child 16 yrs ago. My oldest is 16 and could easily have been a mother by this point. My second child is a blessing.
My mother has been working with the physically and developmentally challenged for over 20 yrs and most of the clients that she deals with were born to parents over the age of 40. There is medically more of a risk for these 'handicaps' in children over the age of 40 and can be very hard on the woman medically. She may be healthy and strong before the pregnancy but during or after can take a more drastic toll on them. There is more of a chance of Down Syndrome to women of an older age and that is not fare to the child, as well as all of the testing done to the women during this age can make it harder on anyone.
I am not saying that a woman over these ages can't have healthy children but there is more of the chance of difficulties after the pregnancy.
I am just saying that you have to think about the long term issues that can happen to the children. There is no guarantee to life and anything can happen to a parent at anytime but if there is going to be a chance of giving birth to a child that is going to have difficulties then it isn't always fair to the child. If you are over a certain age and haven't had a child or gotten pregnant 'naturally' then there might be a reason for it and who are we to change that. There is adoption that is available to many as there are children that don't have parents for what ever reason out there that deserve a loving environment as well.
Please think of these things as well before choosing to take fate into your own hands. And if you have to lie to get a doctor to perform the procedure then maybe you shouldn't be getting it done.
Just my POV
I don't think there should even be a discussion on this. The 65 year old woman had IVF because nature had told her she was too old to have a baby and she had gone through the menopause. I think that tells us everything.
The most important matter in view is the needs of the child. I am not passing judgment on late-in-life mothers. Clint Eastwood was in his sixties when he had a child with his thirtysomething wife Dina Ruiz. Nobody censured him. I only wonder whether these mothers- and fathers- will live to see their children grow up. It is heartbreaking for a child to lose Mommy or Daddy.
I think "mel" (July 21, 2009 10:01 AM) said it best. I don't think these parents (men OR women) are thinking of the kids 1st. Of course, a 20 something parent can just as easily die in a car accident however statistically an older parent will be more likely to die, get seriously ill, or be too worn out to while the child is still young. I had older parents growing up and I did not like it at all. My parents were tired by then and all of my friends had young parents. For me, it just goes against nature.
Why not adopt?
I think this should be done on a case by case basis however I do think 65 years is too old and the woman in this article obviously did as well since she lied. I think the problem is women are waiting to have children so therefore are older when they realize that they have a problem conceiving. Then they try naturally, have tests and have procedures and years have passed. I don't think women should have children younger just in case they have problems later but ethically there should be a cut off at some age. I posted on truuconfessions.com about a family friend who go preganat later in life and got a lot of mixed responses.
Its true anyone could have a baby and die the next day...but if you're 20 or still "young" and everything seems to check out ok...then there's no reason you shouldn't have a baby if you want to. Someone who has gone through menopause and they have already passed the "safe" age to have a child should reconsider having children who they may never know, and their kids will never know them either. I just had a baby girl and a baby automatically bonds with their mother and all they know is their comfort...I'm not judgemental and maybe those kids will grow up thinking that their mother was spontaneous for taking on the challenge of having kids at 66. I give props to her because me being 18...it was hard.
I love my mother Deborah Richter I need to find my elder brothers and need to use cure from Cyborg I am a powerfull slinger
I'm almost 32 and have no children yet. My boyfriend who is 29 wants some with me "someday" but I wonder when that someday will be? I refuse to have any after 36. Good thing I only want 2! I do not have "aging parents" they had me young and they are both far from retiring so I don't have that to worry about right now. Probably the best time to have kids is mid-20's-mid 30's.
We should never judge what others do, lest we be judged ourselves. That being said, who can guarantee our time on this earth? If that woman had been too old to have those children then her body would have rejected the IVF and she probably would not have delivered 2 healthy boys. They were obviously meant to be here and will have quite the story to tell in their lives...will they miss their mother? Yes...but they will know how much she wanted them and the joy they brought to her before she passed away.
I would like to adopt the children. Is it there anyone who knows where I can find them and what's the procedure of adoption?
im very sorry to have to leave this comment, but i believe that should have never ever gotten pregnant, what was she thinking, those poor children, yes she gave them life and im sure loved them till she died, but what about how they feel..im 37 and at 35 my dr told me i was too old, or rather my parts were too old and because of my medical problems, and medication i was on it would be the stupid thing to do "get pregnant", why u might ask because my medical problems will only get worse and i could not go without my meds for nine months, so if you put 2 and 2 together, either i would be risking my health and the health of my baby if it made to be born...she was 66 a senior , you cant tell me that she didnt have some kind or kinds of medical problems, and or 1 or 5 meds to take everyday...i would give anything to have another baby, im an at home mom and wife and thats all i ever want to be, but i know i cant have anymore kids..she should have known better, yes she was very selfish in doing what she did and so not fair to those kids that dont have a mommy anymore, she had a lifetime sort a speak to have kids when ahe was younger, i just dont understand her way of thinking and speaking of that was her mind in the right place to make this dec. and why,why did her family let her do this, she prob looking down from heaven thinking, what have i done!!!!! please mothers or mothers to be dont think of yourself once you are with child its not about you anymore, think of the baby, use common sense..i hope this kids get adopted and soon if i could i would...