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by cutiebootycakes
Motherhood has changed many things in my life. No longer can I be wrapped within the cocoon of living my life my way, on my terms--I have a family to consider. Fortunately for me, waiting until mid-life to marry and a have a child certainly has benefits. I have lived overseas, traveled extensively and enjoyed a great career. Now my focus is on family first and because I lived such a full life prior to family, I truly feel like I've had the best of both worlds. My son has also provided motivation for me to keep "it" together. In this instance the "it" I am referring to is my mental health.
Motherhood has changed many things in my life. No longer can I be wrapped within the cocoon of living my life my way, on my terms--I have a family to consider. Fortunately for me, waiting until mid-life to marry and a have a child certainly has benefits. I have lived overseas, traveled extensively and enjoyed a great career. Now my focus is on family first and because I lived such a full life prior to family, I truly feel like I've had the best of both worlds. My son has also provided motivation for me to keep "it" together. In this instance the "it" I am referring to is my mental health.
Although it is not widely spoken about, like many African-American women I have battled with depression and/or mood disorder for the majority of my life. And despite the general acceptance of mental health issues in the populace at large, in the black community it is still a subject rife with stigma.
Although I've written about feelings of melancholy on my personal blog, there is no way that I can be fully transparent in that space because "friends" (black folks from my small hometown) have access and rather than provide support, discussions of my situation would be fodder for gossip. That space is not safe for me to discuss my current state of mind. But I know that I am not alone, many of my friends from college, all of whom are multi-degree holders, upper and middle class, doctors, attorneys, PhDs, are women that suffer with depression. We discuss it with each other but it generally remains the elephant in the room shared with a select group of close friends.
For the past few years I have been in a cycle that has become progressively worse. It started when my first pregnancy was ectopic and ended in termination and removal of a fallopian tube. During the months that followed I was depressed, worried about my fertility and gained weight--a typical manifestation of my depression. Fortunately, I was able to conceive the second month of trying and was elated. My mood was on an upswing during my pregnancy and even during the long days and nights of tending to a newborn I was okay. But when my son was about ten months the weight that I'd quickly lost after delivery soon crept back on and I was not myself.
Over the last year my weight has continued to climb and I know it is directly related to my moods. I've had in-depth conversations with friends about how I've been feeling and they've recommended professional help. I am no stranger to psychotherapy and psychiatry but I am still resistant to admitting that perhaps it once again time to make a foray into that territory. The last time I reached out for assistance was shortly after 9/11 and given that I literally ran for my life that day it was a more "acceptable" time for therapy.
Now, I am a mother, with responsibilities to people other than myself. Ignoring the problems and pressing forward like superwoman has been my modus operandi but I know I need to deal with this thing head on. Writing this has been cathartic for me and it is my hope that like the twelve-step programs, admitting I have a problem is the first step to recovery. For this post I had great plans for discourse on black women, depression, and healing but right now the best I can do is acknowledge I am dealing with something that I need help with and ask for support on this journey.
Related Reading:
Other mothers that have publicly acknowledged depression:
Beyond Postpardum
Her Bad Mother
Moosh in Indy
Renee writes a personal blog Cutie Booty Cakes where she discusses things other than depression.
Submitted by cutiebootycakes (view blog)
Although I've written about feelings of melancholy on my personal blog, there is no way that I can be fully transparent in that space because "friends" (black folks from my small hometown) have access and rather than provide support, discussions of my situation would be fodder for gossip. That space is not safe for me to discuss my current state of mind. But I know that I am not alone, many of my friends from college, all of whom are multi-degree holders, upper and middle class, doctors, attorneys, PhDs, are women that suffer with depression. We discuss it with each other but it generally remains the elephant in the room shared with a select group of close friends.
For the past few years I have been in a cycle that has become progressively worse. It started when my first pregnancy was ectopic and ended in termination and removal of a fallopian tube. During the months that followed I was depressed, worried about my fertility and gained weight--a typical manifestation of my depression. Fortunately, I was able to conceive the second month of trying and was elated. My mood was on an upswing during my pregnancy and even during the long days and nights of tending to a newborn I was okay. But when my son was about ten months the weight that I'd quickly lost after delivery soon crept back on and I was not myself.
Over the last year my weight has continued to climb and I know it is directly related to my moods. I've had in-depth conversations with friends about how I've been feeling and they've recommended professional help. I am no stranger to psychotherapy and psychiatry but I am still resistant to admitting that perhaps it once again time to make a foray into that territory. The last time I reached out for assistance was shortly after 9/11 and given that I literally ran for my life that day it was a more "acceptable" time for therapy.
Now, I am a mother, with responsibilities to people other than myself. Ignoring the problems and pressing forward like superwoman has been my modus operandi but I know I need to deal with this thing head on. Writing this has been cathartic for me and it is my hope that like the twelve-step programs, admitting I have a problem is the first step to recovery. For this post I had great plans for discourse on black women, depression, and healing but right now the best I can do is acknowledge I am dealing with something that I need help with and ask for support on this journey.
Related Reading:
Other mothers that have publicly acknowledged depression:
Beyond Postpardum
Her Bad Mother
Moosh in Indy
Renee writes a personal blog Cutie Booty Cakes where she discusses things other than depression.
Submitted by cutiebootycakes (view blog)
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everyone has depression at times... men and women. We womend tend to talk more about everything and men keep things to themselves.
Being a mom is the toughest job ever. I always focused on everyone but myself....not good...You need to put you first to keep yourself health in body and mind so you Can be the best mom You can be. give yourself something just for you to do from time to time. If you keep life organized, you will have more time
I learned the trick of color coding... I learned to keep a folder for each child for important papers or special ones I wanted to keep. then a marker for the calender same color as the folder to put a check on the calender to remind me of important happenings for each child for that date... whether it was a school concert or dds appt... I could then check my date book cause the calender didn't have space for details!
If you stay organized you will have time for yourself too... to take a walk or ride a bike or soak in the tub or nap... something for mom .
it could be 30 min a day or once a week treat as long as the children are Safe and porperly cared for...you need to take care of your self and feel good about it!
love yourself