What I loved this year the most about Thanksgiving was the fact that I didn't have to cook it...again.  Though I did bring several awesome (if I do say so myself), Weight Watchers friendly side dishes, I didn't have to serve a lot of people.  What a relief.  It's not like I don't do it all year long, between birthdays and barbecues and Easter/Passover, I'm all 'entertained' out.  In fact, we had such a good time at our friend's gathering that I already put in dibs to have it there again next year.  Our friends and family all drew straws to see who would be doing it next year.  I put in for our friends twice.  They had no idea.  I acted all bummed out when I didn't draw the short straw, "Darn it.  I lost again!"  That acting training comes in very handy.

I'm not the even hosting the family Thanksgiving Dinner this year but that doesn't mean I won't be busy preparing my 'dishes' to bring:  sweet potato pies; biscuit wreath; and two Spaghetti Squash Casseroles.  My Thanksgiving To Do List was ridiculously unrealistic.  As of this morning:  it had 23 separate tasks listed.  So, I had a big glass of wine and took a deep breath.  I got rid of 14 tasks now there's only 9 left to do before Thursday morning.  I got rid of the 'doing laundry' one, heck that's what perfume is for and the 'baking cookies' one too (hello Shop Rite).  Now that I can handle.  Do you overschedule and multi-task too much too?  Tell me about it.

We had four kids over this afternoon for an after-school playdate as it was waaaaay too cold to meet at the park.  We actually did meet on the playground but after only 25 minutes of that bone chilling, blustery north east wind, we were all headed for the comfort of the indoors....our indoors and I found myself scrounging for snacks for five hungry kids. 

We had our first official Parent Teacher Conference with Lily's new Kindergarten teacher last night, not that I didn't speak with her every day the first three weeks during Lily's transition from first grade back to Kindergarten but who's counting?  I'm happy to report, for the first time in her schort school history, that she's doing exceedingly well!!!  And I'm not just lying to make myself feel better about it this time!

  My show Mama's Night Out is going to be in two of the coldest spots in the country this week.  Mama's Night Out is comedy by mothers for everyone.  If you're in need of a night out and you're near these theatres here's the ticket information:

Rosza Center For the Arts, Houghton, MI, 11/19;

Grand Theatre, ArtsBlock, Wausau, WI, 11/22

My niece is turning 10 this November 22nd and she's a real tweenager: complete with attitude; the perpetual rolling of the eyeballs; and the desire for a cell phone for her birthday.  She's getting one too....texting privelages as of yet are not a guarantee.  She's only in 4th grade for goodness sake!   My mum is giving her gems to decorate her phone with and a 'cool soft pink leather skin' for it.  Has she lost her mind?!  And since when has my mother purchased anything cool??

We had a neighbor's kid over today for a play date.  He was unusually well behaved and was really happy to be over playing with Lily inside while it poured outside.  She was also thrilled to have him over.  The play date was a success!...until...(dramatic theme music)....duh duh dummm.....his parents picked him up 90 minutes late and didn't answer their cell or my texts.  What to do?....

My husband and I are seeing a fertility specialist, turns out we have reproductive issues.  I had to take the HSG test earlier this week and god was it painful!  They warned me ahead of time to take a painkiller and I was like yeah right.  I had a 9 and a half pound baby the first time!  I gave birth to a toddler!  How bad could it be?  Wrong.  Very bad.  In laymen's terms, it's an xray of one's fallopian tubes, ovaries, the works....  Looks like my right side is completely blocked. Why am I not surprised?  It couldn't be easy but I did conceive Lily 5 years ago with that same blockage (most likely) in place....so keep your fingers crossed. 

Just wanted to let you know that my show MAMA'S NIGHT OUT is coming to Minne-snowta this weekend for three shows!  MAMA'S NIGHT OUT (my momtourage) is comedy by mothers for everyone so you can definitely bring your husband.  Here's all the info:

There's a spring in my step today.  Wonder what it could be?  Could it be.....hope?  That's right, I'm actually feeling hopeful today for the first time in a long time.  I went to vote at 6:50am at our local school in Brooklyn just in case there were any lines.  Guess what?!  There were!  The lines were wrapped around the building.  The turn out is amazing.  I hope our current president sees the news tonight (it comes on right after Barney, George) and interprets the vast voter turnout as I do:  the people's mandate for change, that we're anxious to have the current adminstration over.  There's been a Bush, a Dick, a Colon....I think we got screwed.  Say bye bye boys.  I pray for all the Democrats on the ticket today.  It's important to get out there and vote dear readers....as we don't have this one locked up by a long shot. 

Diana Ross has nothing on our 5 year old Lily.  Last year, we went through three costumes in one day:  dragon; bunny; and finally a mime.  This year, she went to school as a mouse but will trick or treat later on as a ghost.  Here's costume number one:

Semen, stirrups and massaging one's cervix...sounds like a porno right?  Wrong.  Those were the topics of conversation at my first meeting with our fertility specialist on Tuesday....and we didn't even have dinner yet!  No Sade or Luther Vandross playing in the background either and no candles!  Just barked out questions like, "How's your menstrual history?"  I don't know I wasn't very good in that class.  "How many days do you bleed?"  Wow!  I've forgotten what it's like to be pregnant or when one is trying to conceive:  you're no longer a human being you're a science experiment.  Now I know that the good doctor is just trying to help me.  This is his job and I am thankful that he's up for it.....excuse me....ready, willing and able.

My daughter Lily is in Kindergarten in the local public school. There is a new phenomenon in going on in New York City elementary schools:  students watch movies and television instead of playing outside at lunchtime. On this one I'm not going to be a-political and try to show both sides of the issue because as far as I'm concerned, there is no valid argument for this besides furthering the interests of the fat, lazy, overpaid staff at her school... and I say that with all due respect.

I've written about it before in past blogs, juice boxes are full of sugar.  Lily's class is going to have a little Halloween party next week.  I was elected to bring the juice boxes.   Now considering how much sugar these little munchkins will be consuming later that day and at the party (with all those sugary, frosted baked treats), I'm bringing lowfat milk and wateroos instead of juice boxes.  I'm sure none of the kids will be like, "It's not apple juice?!"  Well if they do who cares anyway?!  What's the matter little Johnny?  Need a fix?  Juice boxes are like a gateway drug for meth.

Our daughter Lily is 5 years old and born late in the year... December 22nd to be exact.  She was promoted from Kindergarten to first Grade this year... much to my dismay, despite my begging and pleading. However, the New York City Public School system, in it's infinite wisdom, states that everyone born in 2002 regardless of month is in first grade this year no exceptions...nothing like taking the individual into account. You vill go to first grade und you vill like it!

I don't know where my friend finds these photos but she's always sending me something hilarious.  I just had to share these with you:  this woman could be a poster child for therapy.  The slogan would be "Co-Dependency Issues Treated".  This couple set up camp in Dysfunction Junction.  Wherever these photos were taken they obviously don't have Oprah.

Our 5-year-old daughter Lily is our only child.  It wasn't our plan to have only one child...but so far, that's just how it worked out.  If it was though, that would be fine too.  We're working on changing her status but in the meantime, we've still got the brand.  I feel like every day, in one way or another, I'm reminded that we only have one child.....not from good friends of course but the public at large.  I just love it when people meet us for the first time and say things like, "Is she your only one?"  Emphasis on only.  "You really should have another...just in case."  Thanks.  Thanks for that reminder...what did you say your name was?....the grim reaper??  Oh sorry, I forgot. 

How about this??  Instead of bailing out Wall Street why not just give the money directly to the American people?!  That's the kind of financial Viagra we could all use right now. Go ahead Mr. Bush, with your bad self, and stimulate my economic package already.  That sounds like a much better idea to me than giving more money to the Wall Streeters who lost it in the first place. 

My father-in-law has unfortunately become Lily's grumpa.  He just turned 70 but you'd think it was 90.  He's on medications for all sorts of ailments: high blood pressure; high cholesterol; some liver thing; and a mood disorder.  As a result of this pharmaceutical cocktail, he sleeps most of his life away.  He is a very sweet man....at least from what I remember.  The last time we actually had a real conversation was about three years ago.  Being in a permanent state of slumber and hard of hearing doesn't make participation in family activities nor communication easy for him.  Sadly, Lily now treats him like a piece of furniture.  She'll jump on him once in a while but otherwise she doesn't even notice. 

When I was a teenager, a girl in our school got pregnant.....by a college boy no less.  Very shocking.  At least back then it was.  Today, this is very common and accepted and even more common for the grandparents to raise the child whilst the young woman finishes college and or grad school.  That girl was a friend of mine by the way.  Her son, the mistake, his real name is Robert, is now 25!  The mistake will graduate law school this year.  I remember the days when he wasn't supposed to answer the phone and his family denied his existence.  Thankfully, those days are long gone.  My husband and I waited a long time to have Lily.  She's now five and we're now old.  I'm 40.  I can't believe I actually typed that out loud.  Actually, at first I typed 36.  How pathetic, I'm even lying to people I can't see about my age.  Here's even more shocking news:  this dinosaur is trying to reproduce.  Should my eggs be in the Smithsonian too??

We celebrated new years (the Jewish one) on Long Island at #13 Dysfunction Junction with the family again.  After the awkward moments, the dramatic sighs and slamming doors were all over, Lily and I headed off to one of those roadside haunted farms for a less scary experience.  We picked pumpkins, apples and ate fresh roasted corn.  It was a blast.

Despite all the turmoil in the markets, partisan politics and the war in Iraq, looking at pictures of Mr. & Mrs. Obama in their most "naked" moments - in front of crowds, cameras and all the rest of us - fills me with hope.  Their respectful, tender and encouraging pda-ing including "the bump", are an example of what true love and admiration really look like.  The usual pics of presidential candidates and their wives feature them holding hands and waving to the crowds.  They're clearly just another meaningless photo op.  This is quite different.  She's got his back - literally and philosophically.  Very refreshing.

Lily may be spending most of her time crying in first grade but she is reading too.  I must admit, despite my frequent complaints of too much homework, that she learned a great deal in Kindergarten.  By the time she graduated, (I know sounds funny doesn't it? but Kindergarten is a big milestone and deserves celebration when completed) she was just a few steps shy of reading.  Now, she's reading like a champ.  I'm so proud of her.  I love this picture because she reminds me of the commuters who read on the trains....only I don't remember seeing too many of them reading the Scholastic Weekly Reader.  Maybe that's the problem.  They were usually reading something much simpler....like The Post or the Daily News.

A little girl comes home from her first day of school.  Her mother asks, "What did you learn today?"   The little girl replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."

Lily, our five year old, is having trouble adjusting to the 'independent work' of first grade.  She's bright and is operating at grade level but is breaking down (and having trouble pulling it back together again) when she makes a mistake, misses a direction, or something else equally as minor.  She also needs a little prompting to keep up.  However, this is not unusual nor alarming....at least for me.  We just keep reassuring her of her intelligence and ability.  We are her support group...and the meetings are daily not weekly.

Just in case you're in need of some serious belly laughs or a little me-time, that my show MAMA'S NIGHT OUT is going to be appearing in Pennsylvania very soon.  Here are all the details:  Thursday, Oct. 9, 7:00PM, Capitol Theatre in Chambersburg and; Friday, Oct. 10, 7:00pm, at the Shopland Hall/Scranton Cultural Center in Scranton.  Don't worry, we won't be appearing with Sarah Palin or McCain in Scranton....our show is a comedy not a tragedy.  MAMA'S NIGHT OUT is comedy by mothers for everyone.

I know it's way early in the school year to be proclaiming this but I will go out on a limb and say, I love first grade.  I'll tell you why:  less homework than Kindergarten.  I'm not kidding.  Last year, when Lily was a kindergartner, we had at least one to one and a half hours of a homework a night.  It was brutal: trying to get her to focus on new topics (yes, they had us start new subjects at home, and we weren't even on salary), review old ones and do 'busy work' for what seemed like an eternity every day.  Every weekend we had a book report due too!  We were teaching Lily all about sharing at that time and one day she asked me, "Can I share my homework with my friends?"  Smart girl.  This year, so far, we only have one book report a month and only 30-40 minutes of homework a night.  We no longer start crying the minute we leave the playground after school....I'm talking about me!  There is a god.....and she is merciful.  Are you in homework hell?  Let us know your story.