So while Lily's in dance class she expects me to be waiting either right outside the door or down the hall. In almost two years of class she has never come out during the 45 minute session. One day, I'm a little hungover from the previous night's mom's night out at Friday's (and it was only Tuesday how sad) and the other mom's convince me to go with them to Connecticut Muffin which is only 2 blocks away.  I say no no she might come out and they're like, "Don't be silly she never comes out...go ahead....have a muffin...a muffin can be quite filling."

Lily likes to chow down the minute she walks in the door after school.  She's so ravenous that I've found it's the best time to introduce new healthy foods.  She usually begs me for sugar filled cookies and cakes but I find when she's this hungry anything will do....even something different (god forbid!).  So yesterday, I tried something new: instead of just chips I gave her hummus and crackers.  Normally, she doesn't like dips, gravies, spreads or any kind of condiment but she chowed down on that hummus!  Yeah!!!!   I found a great organic brand by Tribe.  She kept saying, "It's sooo good mama!"  Wunderbar, a snack that is not loaded with crap like preservatives and artificial colorants...and she liked it (so do I!).  Go on, give chickpeas a chance.  Yes, the war has been won.  Now today, we're going to go for the ultimate snack - SALAD!  Wish me luck ladies.  This one is going to be a hard sell.

I recently went to Babies R' Us to buy a family friend a gift from her baby registry.  I couldn't help but be completely overwhelmed (once again) by what I call the 'wall of confusion'.  That wall of bottles, pacifiers, etc that hits you when you first walk in the store.  It's all very confusing.  Which one is the best?  Which one is the most proven brand?  Which is safest?  And wouldn't you know, it was just like being pregnant again.  Some woman came up to me, a complete stranger, and offered hours of unsolicited advice on what I 'should' be buying.  I think she was just trying to be helpful or maybe she just liked the sound of her own voice....probably the latter.  I told her, "I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat."  With that awkward blurt, she walked away.  Mission accomplised.

Our 7 year old is (unfortunately) starting to show an interest in computer games.  I'd much rather she continue playing her imaginary games outside with her friends.  Like recently, she and her two girlfriends donned bunny ears and played 'hopping bunnies' outside for hours.  They had a great time jumping from snow pile to snow pile foraging for imaginary hidden berries and acorns.  It was a delight to watch.  Sadly, she announced yesterday that she played games on the computer during her 'free time' that she earned at school.  I'm not anti technology I just feel they have their whole lives to log on and facebook away, why start now??  Let them be kids for as long as they can.  Any rate. thank goodness the game was educational (it was in school).  So, in the spirit of continued education I found that PBSKids has some great free (just in time for the latest jobs report....uuuggghhhh) educational games on their site.  They have this new great game called LIFEBOAT TO MARS, a new interactive game that is part of their STEM-based offerings (science, technology, engineering, math).  The game actually makes STEM fun (hard to believe but true).  Check it out, it's not too egg heady and is very, very cool....and I repeat FREE!

Whatver you do, don't share with anyone (unless they're really close friends that get you) the names you're thinking of if you're expecting.  My friend Jenn just shared with her aunt the name she is leaning towards for her unborn daughter - Madison.  Her aunt unleashed a torrent of unwanted advice and criticsm on the expectant mom.  "Madison?  What kind of a name is that?  How about Lexington or Park Avenue?  Who cares if it's trendy?  Can't you be original?"  It was rough.  Now I have to tell you, I'm not thrilled about the name Madison either but is that any of my business??...No!  So, just to show her support, a kind of emotional I'll-hold-your-hair-for-you-while-you-puke, I said I love it.  Because that's what you're supposed to do.  You're supposed to just agree and smile and say that sounds lovely.  It's called baby name etiquette.....unless they're leaning towards "Jeffrey Dahmer", "Moonraker" or a name like "Nazi Apple". Apple is so the rage right now.  Thanks Gwyneth. 

Have you ever met a child who is just the perfect girlfriend?  Where you can tell it from the time they were born??  I have, that child is my 10 year old niece Emma.  We celebrated Lily's 7th birthday on Christmas Day with the rest of the family.....seeing as her actual birthday is 12/22.  When she went to blow out the candles, I noticed Emma, instinctively holding Lily's hair back for her.  Very cool.  Very Sex In The City, so I-got-your-back-girlfriend.   I had a flash of Christmas future where Emma is holding Liy's hair back for her while she pukes her guts up from too much eggnog at her college holiday party.  It tickled me.  I hope these two are as close in the future as they are now.  There's nothing like a girlfriend....who's also family.

You know what I like most about the holidays?  The food.  That's right.  Screw the presents and the awkward moments with my in-laws, it's the food I'm after baby.  That's probably why new memberships for Weight Watchers and gyms go through the roof in January....because of people like me.  Despite the recession, a box of Duncan Hines cake mix is still under 2 bucks which means plenty of scrumptious cupcakes for us.  Cheap eats.  Lily had a holiday party at school and I brought in naked cupcakes (un-frosted) for the kids to decorate and they had a blast. 

Can you believe Lily is seven today?!  I know all parents seem so say that with every passing year, "Can you believe so and so is 2?....Can you believe my baby is graduating college?!"  Well, I found myself saying the same and getting all wistful yesterday.  I was actually misty eyed when her class sang happy birthday to her during the holiday party.  She was born 7 years ago on Dec. 22nd and we brought her home on Christmas Eve during a blizzard.  The snow was deep and we didn't see the ground again til the end of January.  Maybe that's why she likes skiing and ice skating and playing in the snow so much: she's a winter baby. 

I had a playdate with my 11-month-old niece yesterday.  We had a fantastic time.  She's just starting to walk and it's so exciting.  She's at the point where she can walk while holding on to furniture or by balancing herself with a table....just like a little drunk.  Everytime she fell on her tush I was like, 'what's the matter? too many margheritas baby?'  Thank goodness for those bulky diapers, they're a great cushion when you're learning to walk.  She's also teething like mad too.  I gave my sister a milk feeding bib to help absorb milk of course.....and also to absorb the drool from teething.  Now this bib is from Tommee Tippee and it's got this amazing absorbent collar that I've just never seen on a bib before.  I wish I'd had one of these when Lily was teething! (They probably did, I just didn't know about them.)  We used to go through 4 or 5 bibs a day.  The Tommee Tippee bib's collar really protected her skin from the milk, spit up and the drool...and from that sour sweet, funky milk smell that babies get from milk on their clothes.  It even had pink edging for color coordinating outfits.  I totally gave up on color coordinating Lily's clothes when she was a baby.  She had a shock of short, blonde hair till she was 1 year old.  I would have her in a pink bib, pink dress and some fool would always walk up to me and say, "Oh how adorable!  What's his name?"  I'd respond, "His name is Lily.  The bib says daddy's girl not whose your daddy?!"

  Lily is going to be 7 on December 22nd but she's still scared of Santa!  She likes the notion of Santa but the actual sitting on his lap produces great terror....even from a mall Santa (see the photo, she's very annoyed with me for and I quote, "forcing her" to talk to him.)  You have to admit he does sound like a stalker....he sees you when you're sleeping he knows when you're awake.....sounds like we need an order of protection.  But honestly, we use Santa as a bribe to get her to do things like chew with her mouth closed and other lofty goals but the minute she sees him that's all out the window.  I don't get it.  Is it the suit?  The beard?  I get being scared of the Easter Bunny.....that's like an acid flash back but this guy's jolly and he brings presents.  I told her maybe we should leave some cookies out for Santa again this year and she replied, "I don't think so mama, he's fat enough it's just not healthy.  Maybe some carrots and hummous."  She's definitely a modern kid. This is probably going to be her last year believing in him so we'd better make the best of it and snap some more photos of her in abject terror of the kindly old man....they're going to build a lovely summer home for her therapist.

  I performed this past weekend at Laffs in Tucson, Arizona and there were several groups of new moms at the shows.  They were all giddy and delightful and appeared to be having a wonderful time....let's face it, they were just glad to be out of the house.  They could have been at a Walmart and been just as happy.  Facebook was just not going to do it for these ladies last Friday.  They were a lot of fun, I had a great time hanging out with these Tucson New-Momtourages after the shows.  Here are some ways to spot a new mom:

Someone says they're thirsty and she whips out a boob;

She still talks about her 'stitches' even in mixed company;

She knows what's going on all over the world at any given moment because she's on the internet all night long;.......

I just wanted to take a moment and wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving.  In these tough economic times at least there's one holiday out there that doesn't involve gift giving just food.  And when you're sitting across the table from your sniping mother-in-law or bitter sister (pass the wine please) just remember, at least you have a warm plate of food in front of you.  There are so many people out there that are worse off....and these days that might even mean your neighbors.  So, in the spirit of enjoying time and fun with your family here's something free for you to enjoy with your kids this Thanksgiving Eve, or set your TiVo for:  the Curious George Holiday Special on PBS (it's PBS so you know it's got to be good).  It's going to be on 11/25 at 8:00am, make sure to check your local listings.  It's fun (somewhat educational) and just a wonderful story to watch with your kids.  I was fortunate enough to see a pre-screening of it and it was just lovely.  Lily really enjoyed it too.  Gobble Gobble!.......hello Weight Watchers.

He sees you when you're sleeping he knows when you're awake...is it your friendly neighborhood stalker??...noooooo it's Santa!  But he sure sounds scary!  I was helping my friend Lea potty train 3 year old Gwen, yesterday and I got her (the baby not my friend) to sit on the potty with the promise of toys from Santa if she made pee pee for me.  I was desperate, can you tell?  Lea is really anxious for baby Gwen to be potty trained because Lea has to return to work.  Gwen will be going to day care while dad re-trains.  Another victim of the recession, Lea's husband was let go from his job last week.  So, not only is this recession depressing the crap out of people it's forcing toddlers to make ones on potties too!!  Darn it!  "Job Training and Potty Training Go Hand In Hand"  You'll never see that headline in Newsweek.  So, there she was (the baby not my friend) sitting on the potty playing with her toys....but with no toiletting success.

No kidding....my 6 year old suffers....or rather her clothes do....from under arm odor.  This just started.  I was always told that young children don't have this problem because their sweat glands are not fully developed.  However, in this house that is not exactly the case.  Is this common??  Do you have any children under 10 that require deodorant?  I'm not about to put any chemicals on her young skin so I purchased one of those crystal natural ones and it's helped a great deal. It has no odor so there's no obvious scent of perfume to draw attention...and those lovely onions are gone.  Whew!!  After a day of school, gym class and then after school gymnastics she was really ripe.  She eats organic food, drinks organic milk and wears (mostly) natural fibers so it can't be that.....maybe she's just developing early.  Good lord.  What next?!....and I thought the success of Sarah Palin's book tour was the shocker of the week.

  Tonight, it's Friday and for the first time in a long time, this Funny Mom comedian doesn't have a gig!!  Yes, for a change I'm going to be home and I'm sooooo loving it.  So tonight, we've made a plan to do pizza and bowling with our 6 year old.  She's bringing her friend Madison along so it should be fun.  I know, Madison, not a fan of the name either but the kid is great.  I also don't like the name Brooklyn...I'm like really?? which neighborhood??  What's next, here's my daughter Park Avenue??  Our son Murray Hill??  Which is just an expression people there are no hills in Manhattan so get rid of all those SUVs for gods sake!  Any rate, bowling is cheap (and I have a coupon...so sexy) so it should be a fun night.  My husband can kick back and enjoy a beer.....or as our daughter refers to it....daddy soda.  We're in a recession and he just started his new part time job (there are no full time ones available yet....hello, can you say lagging economy??), so bowling with a coupon will just have to do.  No wonder Netflix stock keeps going up.  Don't our lives sound glamorous?  Just like a TV show?.....yeah Roseanne.  But it'll be fun.  As long as we're together we'll have a good time.  What inexpensive activities are you enjoying with your family these days??