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My 11-year-old soccer player breaks into tears during her games. How can we help her?

THE QUESTION :

Our 11-year-old daughter has played soccer since she was five and was always one of the best girls on her team. Recently, she's begun to break into tears during games. A few years ago, she would cry when she was too hot, frustrated or tired, but now it happens at every game. It's embarrassing for her. We've tried to teach her relaxation and breathing techniques, but it doesn't help. We fear that if we take her out, it will be damaging to her. If we leave her in, that will be bad, too. We've suggested seeing a counselor, but she is mortified by the thought of being seen as crazy. I think she would like to play, but doesn't know how to control her emotions. How can we help her?

THE ANSWER:

Sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with your daughter. Let her know that it's her choice whether or not she wants to play soccer, and that you'll love and support her whether or not she plays.

Tanya Remer Altmann

Should my athletic kids have such trouble waking up for school?

THE QUESTION :

I have 3 kids, ages 5, 9 and 11. My oldest plays football and my 9-year-old daughter cheerleads. But they are tired in the morning and don't want to get up, so we are becoming habitually tardy for school. Any advice?

THE ANSWER:

Although playing football and cheerleading certainly can be tiring, the physical demands of these two activities for an 11- and 9-year-old shouldn't be enough to make them habitually late for school. My guess is something else may be causing the problem.

Curt Hinson

Can I get my teen daughter interested in sports again?

THE QUESTION :

My daughter is 14 and she used to love sports. She played hockey and swam competitively. But now it seems she thinks sports are not girlish enough. She's more into clothes and hanging out at the mall. How can I get her interested in sports again?

THE ANSWER:

First, let me say that it is possible for your daughter to be "girlish" and still play competitive sports. Unfortunately, in youth sports programs across the country kids drop out at dramatic rates as they age.

Curt Hinson

Do I encourage my kid to keep playing soccer or let her give up?

THE QUESTION :

My 6-year-old daughter just started soccer. She's had two practices, but now she doesn't want to go back because the one time she tried to kick the ball into the goal, she missed. She thinks she'll never be a good player. How do I encourage her to keep trying? Or should I leave well enough alone and let her give up?

THE ANSWER:

We're putting kids in sports at a very young age, sometimes as young as 3 for soccer and basketball leagues. The whole purpose of these leagues is to get kids ready to play the "real" game. But that results in getting them ready to play games rather than teaching them the skills they need.

Curt Hinson

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