Results tagged “funny photos” from Momtourage: Blogger Knows Best

Again, I don't know where my friend finds these photos but everytime she sends them my way I feel the need to share them with you.  This one brought a much needed chuckle as I received it the moment the current wave of job losses was announced.  I don't know which is worse - his legs (or just that stance??!!), those wings or that wall in need of a power washing.  Laugh it up people.  Comedy is a much needed remedy in these times.

Do you remember Bushs' ball gowns and boots inaugural party dress theme?  I know, it's all a blurred bad memory now.  Well, we came up with a variation on that theme for this holiday season: Exhibit A - see Lily on the left.  This is what people all over the country will look like this holiday season: all decked out with snow boots.  Don't you just love Lily's deep turquoise party dress...with her pink snowboots??  We attended my husband's annual Christmas Is For Kids office party last Friday during the snowstorm.  We braved the sleet, snow and falling temps for a fabulous time at a Downtown hotel in Manhattan....and it was all worth it.  Happy Holidays dear readers!!  Love, your Funny Mom

Hours after posting Santa Phobia, my post about my 6 year old daughter's irrational fear of jolly Old Saint Nick, my friend sent me these photos of other scared children with that awful Santa.  I don't get it!  Is is the suit?  The beard?  I understand being scared of a giant rabbit at Easter, I get that too, it's like an acid flash back or something.  But this guy is harmless...and he brings presents!!  Enjoy these, I don't know where she got them but they're hilarious... I think I would have felt better if the kids in the photo were 6 years old and up and not visibly babies. 

No, it's not fear of saints and religious artifacts.  In fact, Santa Phobia has nothing to do with religion at all (just like Santa himself).  It's just that unreasonable fear kids have of that kindly, old fat guy who comes once a year in a red suit bearing gifts.  What's so scary about that?!   Beats me.  Here's a photo of Lily's annual pose with Santa -  with her back to him - that's the only way she'll pose with Santa.  She refuses to make eye contact, typical city kid.  She acts like she just met him on the subway or something.  She's 6 now and still petrified of him.  It's starting to be embarrassing.  Will this ever end?  Are your kids scared or still scared of Santa?  Please share the pain.

Just wanted to let you know that my show MAMA'S NIGHT OUT is coming to Minne-snowta this weekend for three shows!  MAMA'S NIGHT OUT (my momtourage) is comedy by mothers for everyone so you can definitely bring your husband.  Here's all the info:

Diana Ross has nothing on our 5 year old Lily.  Last year, we went through three costumes in one day:  dragon; bunny; and finally a mime.  This year, she went to school as a mouse but will trick or treat later on as a ghost.  Here's costume number one:

I don't know where my friend finds these photos but she's always sending me something hilarious.  I just had to share these with you:  this woman could be a poster child for therapy.  The slogan would be "Co-Dependency Issues Treated".  This couple set up camp in Dysfunction Junction.  Wherever these photos were taken they obviously don't have Oprah.

We celebrated new years (the Jewish one) on Long Island at #13 Dysfunction Junction with the family again.  After the awkward moments, the dramatic sighs and slamming doors were all over, Lily and I headed off to one of those roadside haunted farms for a less scary experience.  We picked pumpkins, apples and ate fresh roasted corn.  It was a blast.

This ride was symbolic of the emotional roller coaster we were on with Lily and all her female cousins this past Sunday.  We spent the day at a wonderful (and expensive) amusement park but still....very few of the female children were happy or allowed us to see them being happy.  They're all budding divas and drama queens no matter what their birth order.  It was a day of crying, sighing, demanding, threatening, door slamming, ultimatums, foot stamping and that was just the five year olds.  I was like who wants Midol?  By the end of the day, I felt like Lindsay Lohan's personal assistant.  Do you suffer from little girl drama??  Do tell.

Lately, Lily has been somewhat rude to me.  She is definitely a bossy gal...wonder who she gets that from?!  Not me!  No.  Not possible. 

What ever happened to that sweet little baby who used to worship the ground I walk on?  Honestly, I don't need to be worshipped but at least regarded as a fellow human being deserving some basic rights like: not walking in on me when I'm on the toilet with her friends in tow; talking over me when I'm saying something loving like, "I'm so proud of you,"; sighing a great deal when I'm speaking and/or not finding what I say interesting anymore. 

I guess it's over......and she's only 5.  I thought the tween years start at 10 or 11 not 5.  Help!  Has this happened to you?!

It wouldn't be summer in Brooklyn, or any other borough in New York City, without another sleazy street festival.  My favorites are the fatty, food-inspector-free sausage and peppers and safety-inspection-free rides.  I always look forward to seeing the callow, greasy, disinterested, often too-busy-texting teenagers they have operating the rides as well.  It's enough to make me pop a Zantac...and a Zoloft for that matter.  (Check out the sign for the slide it reads F Slid.  I rest my case.)  The best part is that they're usually run by church dioceses as well!  I guess they say a few prayers ahead of time and hope that will cover them.  I happen to be one of lesser faith....I believe in insurance.

Here are some pics from the one we just had in our neighborhood.  Thank god it's over.

I took Lily to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in Manhattan last week.  She's only five but we managed to actually look at paintings for almost one hour!  I spent several days really prepping her with books and online photos of famous impressionist works.  She was really thrilled to be able to point out the Van Goghs and a few other Impressionist works.

However, nothing topped her delight (not including the orange popsicle purchased from a street vendor afterwards) like the Jeff Koons rooftop installation work entitled Balloon Dog.  A great twist on an old favorite.  It's like being at a birthday party except I didn't have to buy anyone a present.

OMG!  I just had to share this photo with you.  I took Lily and her friend to the New York Hall Of Science the other day.  They have a great discovery playground with a huge spider's web for climbing.  From a distance, it looks like I dragged a net through the water and caught some children.  Crazy right?  It didn't occur to me till I looked at it on the computer.  Love it. 

Try to find Lily in the net.

Just when you think you've got the perfect shot of your child it happens.  You check in 'review' and see that your little darling's eyes were focused somewhere other than the camera.  Darn it!  Thank god for digital cameras.

This is a regular occurrence around here.  The only time Lily ever looks directly at the camera is if it's a professional photo session or by accident or if I'm waving chocolate.  Here's a shot of Lily emerging from a fake log at the Bronx Zoo....and looking somewhere else.  Yes, thanks to global warming the even logs are fake now.

I love a parade.  I know it sounds hoaky but I don't care.  I especially love small town parades.  I love all the fan fare associated with the local rotary club, the local Kiwanis organization, the blue haired old ladies marching for the local 'historical society' (I particularly love their historically accurate costumes combined with their Easy Spirit flats), the drum majorettes, the firemen, and most importantly, the Veterans of Foreign Wars who are finally getting the respect they deserve.  This past Memorial Day weekend was perfect weatherwise.  In fact, it's the first Memorial Day in five years (I know, I've been keeping track) since Lily was born that it wasn't raining or bloody freezing so we made sure to attend several parades and they did not disappoint.  Here are some pics:

For years I've been telling Lily not to write on the walls only to have our contractor, Bob the Builder, do the opposite.  I tried explaining this one but she wasn't buying it.  She told him he was naughty and that if he did it again he'd get a time out or that she'd take away his favorite video.  You go girl.

In an effort to sell our triplex in Brooklyn, we're currently updating the walls and electrical fixtures.  We're into our second week of construction already, it's Tuesday morning 9:07am - none of the workmen are here yet and I'm ready to rip my eyes out.  And yes, my contractor is named Bob.  Every time he walks in the door I find myself humming that theme song.

Here are some pix of how it looks at the moment (I keep telling myself it's going to be fabulous when it's all finished):

Isn't this the cutest?  Seeing this piglet nuzzled so peacefully against his mama in sweet slumber almost makes me forget how much I love bacon. 

This mama piggie had 8 piglets in her litter!  Unlike any of those crazy, kid-filled families on the Discovery Channel though no one is offering her her own show.....at least that we know of.  But who knows?  With the trend being tasteless, trashy peeps on all those reality shows (Flavor Of Love, Real Housewives of New York City, etc.) these pigs might be the cleanest thing out there.

I was a volunteer chaperone on Lily's Kindergarten class trip to Green Meadows Farm this week in Queens, NY.  Our city kids had a fabulous time: milking cows; collecting eggs; going on hay rides; and generally torturing all the cute baby animals.  Lily is no Jeffrey Dahmer but oh my goodness she can be rough with baby bunnies....good thing I was there.  There were some tears...and not just because I forgot my Claritin.  Her teachers are truly underpaid.  Here are some adorable snaps:

OMG!  This is by far the worst news story I've heard this morning.  Forget the collapse of the housing market and Hillary's delegate count......a 3 year old hasn't slept since birth.  Kill me already.  And I complain because Lily hasn't napped since she was 18 months old?  I'm starting to feel guilty.  God help those parents.  I recommend Benadryl.  Benadryl is like Cialis for parents.  Millions of kids in this country think they have allergies.  No way baby.  Your parents just need you to sleep.  (Turns out this child actually has a neurological problem, see the link above.)

Does your kid sleep?  Did you have a baby that just didn't need sleep?  Go ahead brag if you must.  I love hearing about children who actually sleep.