Results tagged “marriage” from Momtourage: Blogger Knows Best

My husband has really frustrated me several times over the past couple of years when it comes to the care of our daughter when I'm away but this past weekend really takes the cake.  While I was in California with my show Mama's Night Out, Lily hurt her ankle in the park after school on Friday.  My husband told me about her injury on Saturday on the phone.  He stated that her ankle was 'slightly' swollen but that despite her injury she was jumping around like a bloody mountain goat and running nonstop (her usual antics).  I flew home Sunday, after two delayed and cancelled flights, and arrived quite late in the evening.  Her ankle looked quite swollen to me on Monday morning so I took her to the pediatrician.  She took one look at it and told us to get an xray immediately as she feared it was fractured.

"I love you so much I'll stab you in the f**kin' heart!"  That's what my neighbor Gina screamed at her husband last year at the block party....in front of everybody!  And she wasn't even drunk.  It's safe to say that most of the people in my neighborhood could easily star in Lifestyles Of The Poor And Unknown.  All I see, (who knows what goes on behind closed doors) are unhappy women married to spouses who are not emotionally present for them nor their children.  All is not well.  However, despite the block party breakdowns and the frequent police visits, Gina bought a video camera so her teenage son can tape her and her family antics for a reality show.  (PAUSE)  OMG! What was that??  A thud?  No, it was Gina hitting rock bottom.

As you may or may not know, my husband and I have been "trying" to have another child for some time now.  Our first pregnancy was a spontaneous one so we thought the next one would be as well.....wrong.  Ever since I gave birth to the uber baby six years ago (nine and a half pounds), I have been suffering with very painful periods.  The pain is so bad I thought I was pre-menopausal or something.   To which my sensitive G.P. told me, "You're not pre-menopausal you're just overweight."  Thanks.  After seeing many specialists (including Infertility Specialists) and having all sorts of humiliating tests done (now when I see a gloved hand I just disrobe....which made skiing somewhat awkward this year) finally I have the answer:  Endometriosis.   

I listened to all the vapid talking heads on Good Morning America this morning review the controversial new PSA on domestic violence featuring actress Keira Knightley.  You know you live in a misogynist culture when people take issue with a psa on domestic violence.  Yes, the images are graphic and disturbing....but here's a dose of reality.....domestic violence is graphic and disturbing.  It's only a film and it's meant to be wake us up out of our anesthetized state of stupidity on the subject.  Enough with the sugar coating already.  We're all so overweight as it is.  Let's thin down on reality.  That's the plan for spring: let's all shed 20 pounds worth of denial.

Again, I don't know where my friend finds these photos but everytime she sends them my way I feel the need to share them with you.  This one brought a much needed chuckle as I received it the moment the current wave of job losses was announced.  I don't know which is worse - his legs (or just that stance??!!), those wings or that wall in need of a power washing.  Laugh it up people.  Comedy is a much needed remedy in these times.

I originally set up my Facebook page for business purposes, but a few weeks in I started receiving 'friend requests' from people I hadn't spoken to or seen in 15 years. I have to say, it was so much fun reconnecting with many friends from high school, college and summer camp days. I had explained to my husband how much fun it was and since he wasn't technical, I set up his facebook page. That was 2 months ago.

I don't know where my friend finds these photos but she's always sending me something hilarious.  I just had to share these with you:  this woman could be a poster child for therapy.  The slogan would be "Co-Dependency Issues Treated".  This couple set up camp in Dysfunction Junction.  Wherever these photos were taken they obviously don't have Oprah.

Despite all the turmoil in the markets, partisan politics and the war in Iraq, looking at pictures of Mr. & Mrs. Obama in their most "naked" moments - in front of crowds, cameras and all the rest of us - fills me with hope.  Their respectful, tender and encouraging pda-ing including "the bump", are an example of what true love and admiration really look like.  The usual pics of presidential candidates and their wives feature them holding hands and waving to the crowds.  They're clearly just another meaningless photo op.  This is quite different.  She's got his back - literally and philosophically.  Very refreshing.

Just want to give you the heads up that the family centric comedy show Mama's Night Out will be returning to Maine for a special, one night only performance on Thursday, July 10th, at Deer Trees Theatre in Harrison, Maine.  Mama's Night Out is my comedy momtourage or com-tourage starring Karen Morgan, Nancy Witter and moi. 

We all met and became great friends while filming the first season of Nick At Nite's SEARCH FOR THE FUNNIEST MOM IN AMERICA.  After that taping wrapped, we put together our own show and we've been touring to sold out crowds across the country. 

Mama's Night Out is comedy by mothers for everyone.  Hope to see you there.

Mother's Day is fast approaching and this year, I'm begging my husband for the ultimate gift and it doesn't cost a thing:  time.  Time with my family.  Not even time alone.  I just want him to pack a picnic lunch and go to the park with our daughter and play and have fun.  I say this not to be melodramatic nor because I'm trying to be one of those self sacrificing, "super moms".  I say this because I've just given up on getting any really decent gifts for Mother's Day.  Let's just say that over the five short years I've been a mom, I've received some of the most horrible gifts on Mother's Day.  See below:

My father actually thought this was a cute idea.  Because I like gardening so much why wouldn't I appreciate a garden gnome that flashes my neighbors??  The kids think it's a riot.  Over the years they've written various things on the tush like:  blow me; suck it; go ahead I'm easy.  Delightful.  Just what I want in my front garden.  We live in the city garden gnomes just don't work here.  Finally, over the winter break this year, somebody smashed it.  Aaawww.  What a shame.  Not. 

Between former Governor Elliot Spitzer and that senator playing footsie in a Minnesota airport, you gotta admit:  politicians take a lot of stupid sexual risks.  I think this has been the busiest week ever for political sexual antics.  Just when you thought it was safe to go back on the internet, there's yet another sexual confession by a New York Governor:  the new, blind (I said blind!) Governor Patterson admitted to having several affairs!  I didn't see that one coming.  Ha Ha.  Oh stop being so sensitive.  I'm a comic, I'm entitled.

Am I the only married person not having affairs?  Maybe if Lily was a better sleeper I'd enough energy for an affair but I just don't.  I don't even have enough time and energy for the gym forget a real Jim.  Even the blind are having affairs.  I'm starting to feel left out.

But the Strangest Sexual Political Confession This Week Award goes to former New Jersey Governor McGreevey:  his now ex wife says she participated in a threesome with him.  The third person was a male aide.....and she said she didn't know he was gay!  Give it a rest!  I guess politics does make strange bed fellows.  But yuck!  Why is this story in the news?!  Enough.  I'd much rather hear about our soldiers in Iraq.

The only sexually explicit story about a politician having an affair that I'd like to hear is:  that Hillary had one.  I think most people would be like 'good for her'.  Seriously, I hope I never see that headline.