Results tagged “moms” from Momtourage: Blogger Knows Best

  Need a time out from the kids and a few laughs, bring yourself and your girlfriends to see Mama's Night Out at the Hannaford Auditorium, Abromson Center, Portland, Maine on Friday, November 6th at 8:00pm.  Not only will you have a great time but you'll feel even better knowing your ticket purchase goes to support the Cancer Community Center of Maine.  We've been selling out theatres all over the country and we intend to do the same in Maine for the Cancer Community Center.  Look forward to seeing you there!!  The mamas of Mama's Night Out are my fellow momtourage....bring yours and introduce us to them.

That was what someone told me at a child's birthday party last week.  As the parent of an only child I've heard many stupid, thoughtless remarks from other parents but this one took the cake....I just had to vent about it here.  You see, I made the mistake of engaging one of the other parents in what I thought was going to be a harmless, plesant conversation.  I paid a father a compliment on his identical twin sons, I told him that they were so well behaved and sat so patiently while the cake was handed out.  They were dear little boys.  The father then launched into a tirade about "What a handful" they are and that before he had them that he only had one child...like me.  And that, "Having one kid is easy.  Having three is a whole different story.  That's when you know you're a real parent - when you have more than one!" 

Oh, crazy Tom Cruise. One minute he's hopping all over a couch. The next minute he's declaring that depression doesn't exist. (Tom, sweetheart, we have scientifically-backed news...) The next he's all over YouTube in Scientology training videos. And now he wants to make amends. With Matt Lauer, that is. Not necessarily with you.

  My show Mama's Night Out is going to be in two of the coldest spots in the country this week.  Mama's Night Out is comedy by mothers for everyone.  If you're in need of a night out and you're near these theatres here's the ticket information:

Rosza Center For the Arts, Houghton, MI, 11/19;

Grand Theatre, ArtsBlock, Wausau, WI, 11/22

Just wanted to let you know that my show MAMA'S NIGHT OUT is coming to Minne-snowta this weekend for three shows!  MAMA'S NIGHT OUT (my momtourage) is comedy by mothers for everyone so you can definitely bring your husband.  Here's all the info:

When I was a teenager, a girl in our school got pregnant.....by a college boy no less.  Very shocking.  At least back then it was.  Today, this is very common and accepted and even more common for the grandparents to raise the child whilst the young woman finishes college and or grad school.  That girl was a friend of mine by the way.  Her son, the mistake, his real name is Robert, is now 25!  The mistake will graduate law school this year.  I remember the days when he wasn't supposed to answer the phone and his family denied his existence.  Thankfully, those days are long gone.  My husband and I waited a long time to have Lily.  She's now five and we're now old.  I'm 40.  I can't believe I actually typed that out loud.  Actually, at first I typed 36.  How pathetic, I'm even lying to people I can't see about my age.  Here's even more shocking news:  this dinosaur is trying to reproduce.  Should my eggs be in the Smithsonian too??

Just in case you're in need of some serious belly laughs or a little me-time, that my show MAMA'S NIGHT OUT is going to be appearing in Pennsylvania very soon.  Here are all the details:  Thursday, Oct. 9, 7:00PM, Capitol Theatre in Chambersburg and; Friday, Oct. 10, 7:00pm, at the Shopland Hall/Scranton Cultural Center in Scranton.  Don't worry, we won't be appearing with Sarah Palin or McCain in Scranton....our show is a comedy not a tragedy.  MAMA'S NIGHT OUT is comedy by mothers for everyone.

I know it's way early in the school year to be proclaiming this but I will go out on a limb and say, I love first grade.  I'll tell you why:  less homework than Kindergarten.  I'm not kidding.  Last year, when Lily was a kindergartner, we had at least one to one and a half hours of a homework a night.  It was brutal: trying to get her to focus on new topics (yes, they had us start new subjects at home, and we weren't even on salary), review old ones and do 'busy work' for what seemed like an eternity every day.  Every weekend we had a book report due too!  We were teaching Lily all about sharing at that time and one day she asked me, "Can I share my homework with my friends?"  Smart girl.  This year, so far, we only have one book report a month and only 30-40 minutes of homework a night.  We no longer start crying the minute we leave the playground after school....I'm talking about me!  There is a god.....and she is merciful.  Are you in homework hell?  Let us know your story.

My five year old is in an Inclusion Class or CCT - Collaborative Classroom Teaching.  This is her third year of being in Inclusion and I'm all for it. She was born in late December, 12/22, as a matter of fact.  So, if we lived in the burbs she would have been held back in Kindergarten and not allowed to progress to 1st grade because she's not emotionally mature enough....and I have to agree.  I would have loved for the school to hold her back another year as she is sooooo intellectually and emotionally immature compared to the kids who were born in January.  Six Months to a year is a huge difference when one has only been on this earth for five years.  However, New York City likes to push all children forward regardless of their birthdate because that's just the way it is here.  If you were born in 2002, by golly you're going to 1st grade this year whether you're ready or not!....und you vill like it!!!!

Hollywood more excited about bumps than boobs these days. 

I'm not that old at all, but being in show business myself, I do remember the days when having a baby meant the end of a starlet's career.  However, today is a much different story: between the all too excited rumors of Jennifer Garner possibly expecting again; the craziness over J-Lo's twins; and the reported $12 million paid for the first pics of Brangelina's summer blockbusters; I think it's safe to say that Hollywood is gaga for the goo goo set.

One of the many great things about NYC is our free summer concert series.  Let me stress once again - FREE.  In this economy anything helps.  Larry and I try to attend at least one a summer.  We pack a salad dinner, snacks, drinks, bathe Lily ahead of time and we all trek off to see (or rather hear) whoever is playing. 

It's Official:  Lily hates me.  And to think, less than two hours ago I was the best mama in the world....because I put whipped cream on her popsicle.  How fickle is her love!  Just because I had the temerity to ask her to put away her shoes....excuse me, not even put them away, just pop them in the shoe basket less than 5 feet from where she was sitting.  What a shrew!  What a cow I am.  Mean mommy is back.

No matter how much I joke though, actually hearing your darling child spew venom like "I hate you" stings just a little bit.  I try to be all logical and respond with, "It's okay that you hate me for the moment.  I still love you.  Now put your shoes in the basket or no Little Einstein's today."  When inside I'm like, "Screw you kid!  Do you know what I went through to have you?  You were 9 and a half pounds.  That translates to 14 stitches.  My vagina was pretty much rerouted because of you.  Now when I sneeze I pee myself.  Thanks kid.  Take your crocs and blah blah......(various unmentionables)." 

But it's all okay.  She is definitely just asserting her 5 year old, alpha female independence. If I'm feeling particularly needy all I have to do is send a few Oreos her way and I'm back in....but mean mommy is no sucker.  Share your "I hate you mommy" stories with us please....I guarantee you'll feel much better.

Just when you think you've got the perfect shot of your child it happens.  You check in 'review' and see that your little darling's eyes were focused somewhere other than the camera.  Darn it!  Thank god for digital cameras.

This is a regular occurrence around here.  The only time Lily ever looks directly at the camera is if it's a professional photo session or by accident or if I'm waving chocolate.  Here's a shot of Lily emerging from a fake log at the Bronx Zoo....and looking somewhere else.  Yes, thanks to global warming the even logs are fake now.

We've got another lice outbreak in our school in the Kindergarten wing.  Just thinking about it makes me itch.  I'm trying to keep our 5 year old lice free this school year so we're doing the whole 'up do', hair gel, mousse, hair spray thing.  We've also been advised to not wash her hair as often because the dirtier the scalp and hair the less the lice are able to adhere....for lack of a better term.  Does that really work?  Any suggestions?  Any home rememdies you know of that somehow keep these pesky varmints away??  HELP!!  Please share.

I feel like I'm the only woman left in NYC that hasn't seen SEX IN THE CITY  the movie.  It's opening weekend box office topped $55million according to MSN films, a number that way surpasses the population of all five boroughs.  I'm waiting to see it with my Mama's Night Out momtourage 'cause that's how you're supposed to see this movie...with your girlfriends.  The only problem is, I won't be seeing them till July so until then I'm going to be sexless in the city till then. 

Did you see the movie?  Did you see it with your girlfriends or should we be making whipping sounds followed by meowing cat noises for your husband?  How was it?  Please let me know but don't give away the ending. 

Hey there friends.  Just want to let you know that I'll be in Baltimore this weekend for a taping of the debut of the hot new, theatrical comedy experience:  Divercity:  3 Women, 3 Worlds, 1 Stage.  This is the first theatrical comedy that brings together women of different colors and ethnicities on the same stage.  The ladies of this show are my new Momtourage. 

"Sara Contreras , Meshelle and Sherry Davey (moi) bring to life America's true DIVERCITY.  Politics & Stereotypes all hang in the balance, as this Theatrical Comedy Experience launches with its sights set on celebrating what AMERICA hopes to be on its BEST BEHAVIOR.  With Sara's Latina energy, passion, and wit , Meshelle's undeniable African-American consciousness and charm, and Sherry's British-Jewish-ness with the heart of a Brooklyn-ite, you'll get a full course of music,stand-up, and improvisation served with a dose of red/white/blue boldness that is DIVERCITY!"  If we can laugh together we can live together.

We sat through our first very-over-the-top skating recital for Lily this past Sunday.  By over-the-top I mean 4 year old girls in full make up with their hair professionally quaffed in skimpy little outfits.  Some of the parents even hired professional photographers to capture that special moment on the ice for posterity.  What are these people going to do for these kids' weddings?? 

Anyway, I was so proud of Lily.  At five, she's the youngest in her class but had all the moves down just like the older girls.  However, when it came to show time she froze and just stood there picking her nose...literally.  For 90 seconds of the routine, basically the whole thing, that's all she did.  Oh well.  She's 5 for goodness sake.

I love a parade.  I know it sounds hoaky but I don't care.  I especially love small town parades.  I love all the fan fare associated with the local rotary club, the local Kiwanis organization, the blue haired old ladies marching for the local 'historical society' (I particularly love their historically accurate costumes combined with their Easy Spirit flats), the drum majorettes, the firemen, and most importantly, the Veterans of Foreign Wars who are finally getting the respect they deserve.  This past Memorial Day weekend was perfect weatherwise.  In fact, it's the first Memorial Day in five years (I know, I've been keeping track) since Lily was born that it wasn't raining or bloody freezing so we made sure to attend several parades and they did not disappoint.  Here are some pics: