Results tagged “parenting styles” from Momtourage: Blogger Knows Best

  Playdates these days seem harder and harder to come by.....specifically in the suburbs.  You know, when we lived in Brooklyn, getting together with other children was much easier.  We just used to meet in the playground after school.  Easy enough.  You got to meet the other kids and their parents (good or bad) in a matter of minutes and from there it was on to the greener pastures of individual play dates....or you could just put them on your personal 'do not call list' or click your imaginary 'ignore' button on your face-to-face book.  I really miss that ease of socialization that one gets in an urban environment....it's one of the few things I do miss....the noise, the crowds, the perpetual freak show aspect of New York City, being hit on by the homeless and the constant dog poop under my shoes I do not.  

Our friend Hunter has sticky fingers and I don't mean from his juice box.  After our play date yesterday, he helped himself to a gratis Snickers bar from the deli.  You see, he wanted Reeses Pieces and a Snickers but was faced with an awful choice when told by his mum that he could only have one.  We didn't realize he had taken the Snickers until we were down the street and he had finished his Reeses only to begin working on the Snickers!  His mother was furious!!  She told him off, gave him a time out, made him go back and apologize and pay for it and it did not end there.  There was an embarrassing conversation over dinner with his father about his crime which resulted in him losing all Wii privelages this weekend.

When Lily was 5 I was the center of her universe....a place I loved being though I knew it was short lived.  I did enjoy it while it lasted though.  The six year old child is a complex, independence seeking, bipolar animal who swings from extremes like, "Mommy I want to love you all day," to "I don't like you, you're not my friend anymore."  And that was only because I wanted her off my computer for a minute...jeeesh.....what's she gonna say when things really get bad?  "You're a disappointment as a mother?!"  Ooowwww!  Tough crowd.  Good thing I have a strong sense of self.  I know Youtube is addicting but puh-lease.

I was flipping through an issue of GQ Magazine (the one with Robert Pattinson on the cover) while getting my haircut, when I happened upon an article entitled, "The Unspeakable Choice by Wil S. Hylton." I was drawn in by the deck: "Last summer, the state of Nebraska made it legal to abandon a child. Then the children started flooding in--eleven a day at one point, from all over the country." According to the article, people were coming as far away as California and Florida to leave their children at "safe havens" in Nebraska, and that under the new law, they could not be prosecuted for doing so.

While created to protect young mothers from leaving newborns in dumpsters, these were not the parents who were taking advantage of this new law. It turned out that many of the children who were abandoned had mental illnesses, and that many of the parents saw this solution as the only way that their child might get help (because their insurance didn't cover treatment, or because they didn't have the means).

This article surprised me. Firstly, because I didn't know that it was ever OK to leave your children (Texas, where I reside, just happens to be another state that protects parents), and that so many parents were driving so far in order to do this. It made me wonder, of course, what type of parent would do such a thing. Sure, there have been times when I was so annoyed with my children, that the thought entered my mind, but I could never bring myself to actually do that. The article also made me ponder whether these parents were lazy and/or neglegent, or if this was their cry for help.

There's a new documentary chronicling the grueling process of preschool admissions in New York City: Nursery University. I'm guessing that "University" refers to the comparison to competitive college admissions, and the belief that the path to the coveted Ivy League schools begins at the exclusive nursery school. Which is why these parents are shown going to great lengths to secure a place for their children in these institutions.

Just watching the trailer makes me anxious. The recent baby boom means that there are many, many toddlers vying for the precious few spots in private pre-k. While I didn't encounter this when I lived in New York (luckily Mr G was painlessly accepted to a terrific school in Park Slope called Beansprouts), I did find this to be the case when I moved to Austin. In Texas, many moms put their babes on waiting lists when their child is in utero, hopefully timing it so that two years later, the child will be accepted. According to the film, niether expensive tuition nor the economic downturn is enough to deter folks from applying to these NY schools. On the contrary, the low odds seemed to make people more determined to get in.

I'm curious if you or anyone you know went through a similar challenging experience trying to get into a desirable nursery school.

Many parents of Lily's fellow Kindergarteners are getting anxious about the upcoming annual testing for our district's Eagle Program - accelerated classes for exceptional students.  I spoke with four mothers after school yesterday in the park about how they feel their children are 'perfect candidates' (believe me I was sucked into the conversation, I tried to back out gracefully several times but, like the Godfather, they just kept pulling me back in).  

As a parent, I'm hyper-aware that everything I do will influence my children, that everything action has a cause and effect. If I let the baby cry, will (s)he learn to self-soothe? If I only give them one dinner option, will they become less picky? If I do too much for them, will they become lazy?

This awareness makes me question every decision. For instance, should I keep them in public school, or put them in private school? Is it better for them to be in a diverse environment or to be challenged and engaged? Am I shortchanging them by not giving them the best education possible or will it be OK if I'm taking an active part in their learning?

I recall how upset I was when I wasn't able to afford my dream school because my parents hadn't saved any money for college, and wonder if my kids will resent me when they're older. I try not to obsess about things that are out of my control, but I can't help thinking about how much I was shaped by my own parents.

per.mis.sive - adjective 1. habitually or characteristically accepting or tolerant of something, as social behavior or linguistic usage, that others might disapprove or forbid. 

That was what someone told me at a child's birthday party last week.  As the parent of an only child I've heard many stupid, thoughtless remarks from other parents but this one took the cake....I just had to vent about it here.  You see, I made the mistake of engaging one of the other parents in what I thought was going to be a harmless, plesant conversation.  I paid a father a compliment on his identical twin sons, I told him that they were so well behaved and sat so patiently while the cake was handed out.  They were dear little boys.  The father then launched into a tirade about "What a handful" they are and that before he had them that he only had one child...like me.  And that, "Having one kid is easy.  Having three is a whole different story.  That's when you know you're a real parent - when you have more than one!" 

I only turned on the television a few times over the holiday week and each time I did it was more depressing: from the recession; to the war; to the attacks in the middle east; and to the most depressing of all - the press' relentless coverage of the Obama family in Hawaii.  I'm sure you saw the countless photos of him with his girls just trying to buy ice cream.  There were times when one could just read from the President Elect's face that his B.S. Barometer had reached fever pitch.  It raised the same annoyance levels in me as when Sarah Palin would spout words like "dontcha" or "gotcha". 

It's this time of year when I'm hyper-aware of it. I'm contributing to my children's greed. I don't like it, yet I can't help myself. It's because I can, I guess. I can't suppress that desire to give them everything, but I also hate what they've become as a result: always expecting me to buy them treats and goodies and asking for them. My younger son threw a crying tantrum in the bookstore yesterday until my husband relented and bought him the book he was crying for.
Is there a support group for this?

every hear of this saying? its a buzz word around my son's school's approach to teaching. and i "get it", but usually when i mention it in mixed company, i get horrified and/or clueless stares. its worse when i've mentioned it on online parent communities, there things get aggressive. 

My niece is turning 10 this November 22nd and she's a real tweenager: complete with attitude; the perpetual rolling of the eyeballs; and the desire for a cell phone for her birthday.  She's getting one too....texting privelages as of yet are not a guarantee.  She's only in 4th grade for goodness sake!   My mum is giving her gems to decorate her phone with and a 'cool soft pink leather skin' for it.  Has she lost her mind?!  And since when has my mother purchased anything cool??

We had a neighbor's kid over today for a play date.  He was unusually well behaved and was really happy to be over playing with Lily inside while it poured outside.  She was also thrilled to have him over.  The play date was a success!...until...(dramatic theme music)....duh duh dummm.....his parents picked him up 90 minutes late and didn't answer their cell or my texts.  What to do?....

Our 5-year-old daughter Lily is our only child.  It wasn't our plan to have only one child...but so far, that's just how it worked out.  If it was though, that would be fine too.  We're working on changing her status but in the meantime, we've still got the brand.  I feel like every day, in one way or another, I'm reminded that we only have one child.....not from good friends of course but the public at large.  I just love it when people meet us for the first time and say things like, "Is she your only one?"  Emphasis on only.  "You really should have another...just in case."  Thanks.  Thanks for that reminder...what did you say your name was?....the grim reaper??  Oh sorry, I forgot. 

Despite all the turmoil in the markets, partisan politics and the war in Iraq, looking at pictures of Mr. & Mrs. Obama in their most "naked" moments - in front of crowds, cameras and all the rest of us - fills me with hope.  Their respectful, tender and encouraging pda-ing including "the bump", are an example of what true love and admiration really look like.  The usual pics of presidential candidates and their wives feature them holding hands and waving to the crowds.  They're clearly just another meaningless photo op.  This is quite different.  She's got his back - literally and philosophically.  Very refreshing.

You know, the whole Sarah Palin nomination for GOP VP has really got me thinking.  Every time I see her, she's posing with her husband and her five children...she's pro-life if you haven't heard already.  Well, she must be pro-babysitter and pro-daycare too because who is raising her children while she's busy being Governor of Alaska and now VP hopeful - campaigning all over the place?  Why have a big family if you're not intending to raise them?  Are all these pictures just more lies being propagated by our society that we can have it all?  That we can have whatever we want:  tons of children, a happy family and a fabulous career?  Is that even possible?

It's all over the internet: GOP Veep Candidate Sarah Palin's unmarried teen daughter is pregnant. And? Why am I not shocked? Heres some new for you - it happens every day in America and all over the world for that matter. It's no secret, we all know that teen pregnancy rates among girls 15-19 years of age in America are on the rise. As the mother of a daughter, I'm hoping that perhaps this will draw some attention to this disturbing trend. I heard the Democratic Presidential Candidate say over the weekend (I'm paraphrasing), "..families and children [of politicians] should be off limits." Exactly. Right on Mr. Obama, once again you have proven that you are the man.